It's hard to remember the last time you heard Tinder brought up in a conversation with a positive connotation. The dating/hook-up app seems to have brought nothing but horror to singles ready to mingle around the world. Finding your soulmate, or even a decent relationship, though it is definitely a rarity.
But you obviously didn't come here to read gushy tales of love, right? We're taking a look at some of the most horrific tales coming from this popular dating app.
1. One More Song
It was last year. I'd just moved back home. All my friends from high school were gone and I had no friends left. I went on a Tinder date with a girl across town. I was supposed to meet her there. She stood me up but kept texting me wondering where I was. So I looked for her frantically. Despite having that feeling in my stomach she was messing with me. I attended the concert alone. Tried to enjoy myself. Felt bad. Cried a bit on the way home. Was a really bad day. Also sent her the meanest text I've ever sent anyone. It was along the lines of, "I hope all of your future endeavors are met with failure, I hope your children grow up to hate you, I hope you find yourself in the crushing despair of your own miserable choices."
I hated her for ditching me and leading me on just out of malicious intent.
Photo by Aditya Chinchure on Unsplash
2. What Was Your First Red Flag There?
I went on a tinder date with a guy who took me to his favorite spot by a lake. So we're hanging out, I'm a little sketched out, but he promises that he comes here all the time and never sees any cops. Sure enough, a few minutes later a cop car comes driving by, the officer smells narcotics, and long story short we both get arrested. I never spoke to him again.
Photo by Jordan on Unsplash
3. Blinded By The Light
I was recently on holiday and decided I would jump on Tinder to suss out the local talent. I matched with this guy who seemed pretty attractive and we talked for a few days and discussed catching up for drinks which never eventuated. Towards the end of my trip, I chatted with him briefly and he explained he was going away the following day but I was more than welcome to come over to his apartment. Despite having apprehensions about going to a complete stranger's apartment in a foreign country, I decided to go. Nevertheless, everything seemed smooth when I arrived at his house. He was charming, good looking and talkative. We got talking and one thing led to another and before I knew it we were making out on his lounge. Things escalated rather quickly and got hot and heavy and I decided that this was okay as I was on holiday and would never have to see this guy again. Whilst things were in the heat of the moment, I looked at his laptop which was located 3 meters from where the activities were taking place and realized the green light for video recording was on. To say the least, things came to a sudden end and the police were nearly involved. I've decided to take a sabbatical from Tinder for the meantime.
4. Long Train Runnin'
This happened a couple of years back. Just recently moved to Perth, Australia from the UK. A new friend pointed me towards Tinder for meeting girls. I started speaking to this girl, Short, white, redhead who was a geek, like me. We were hitting it off really well, and after about 2 weeks of talking, she was comfortable enough with me that she wanted to meet. We arranged to meet at a bar in Perth City. I arrive first, find a table and text her to see if she would like a drink. I purchase the drinks and wait, but she is running late. Fifteen minutes later, a middle-aged Asian lady sits down at the table and introduces herself as the girl I have been talking to. Puzzled by this turn of events, I show her the picture of the girl I thought I was talking to. She looks at the picture, then at me and goes, "yes, that's me," and starts talking about how nice it is to finally meet. Being British, I don't like to make a fuss, so I nod and smile.
I talk awkwardly for a couple of minutes while trying to find the ringtone select on my phone. I press it and pretend to call from a friend in need of help. Say my apologies and run to the train.
Later that night I thought, It may have been a joke or a test. We never spoke again.
5. Speaking In Tongues
I invited a guy to my favorite place, the zoo. It was going well, but shortly after arriving, he ate a pretzel and almost bit his tongue off. He began bleeding for the next couple of hours (YES HOURS) and spitting out blood. I looked at it and half of his tongue was swollen and puffy. It looked horrible. He then "tried" to eat a hamburger and his eyes just displayed the pain. He tried to kiss me multiple times but my ninja-self dodged the gross-looking mess he had going on. Great sport. But it didn't work out.
6. Exchanging More Than Numbers
I had a guy facilitate a drug deal on a Tinder date. We were at a bar, he excused himself outside, was gone for a while, so, I went out and there he was chatting with some random dude about drugs. Went on for about two hours before actual contact info and drugs were exchanged. Really awkward and nightmarish.
7. One In 8 Million Chance
I live in New York City and have been on probably 30 or so Tinder dates. Once I was using Tinder to cheat on my girlfriend (I know, I know) and wound up hanging out with this girl at a bar for a few hours. A couple of days later she invites me over for some hanky-panky. At one point in the middle of the night, I got up to use the bathroom. I walked out and saw her roommate who looked kind of familiar, which is weird because it's a city of 8 MILLION people. Anyway, I figured it was just a resemblance.
Turns out it was my girlfriend's friend from middle school who I met about a month or two earlier. Needless to say, that's why she's my ex.
8. Supermarket Flowers
I went on a date with a guy from Tinder. I quickly realized he wasn’t my type, but decided to just go with it for a while. Half an hour into the date, he asked me if I wanted to do tequila shots. I left early. A week later, he sent flowers to my work with a cheesy poem confessing his love for me. I worked in a coffee shop in the middle of a busy shopping center. I never even took them home, I was that embarrassed. Never spoke to him again.
9. Robbing Her Blind
I'm new to the country, so I'm kind of low on social activities. I have a few friends from work and that's it, so I decided to give it a try on Tinder.
I hooked up with this girl who was a bit older than me. We met for a dinner, she said that it was weird to meet someone online, but eventually, we hit it off. She was a good looking girl. Smart, funny, things were beginning to look better. Eventually, I met her friends, she met mine and everything was cool; seemed like it could be something after almost 2 months.
But then she had like the worst week ever, problems at work, with family, some burglars broke into her house and stole her TV and other things, her car broke, it was awful. I was trying to be supportive and offered to help her with whatever I could, and started to text her more often. The next week she went on vacation and I never heard anything else from her. I texted her twice, didn't get a response, and then she blocked me; it seems like she thinks I was involved in the robbery or something.
10. For The Workforce
I got matched with this guy and we started talking about work. I'm part of the recruitment team and facilitate the final interview. Two weeks later, my colleagues approached me with a pestering smirk and asked, "So do you know our applicant for today?" It took me a while to realize it was him. Now I'm the girl known for recruiting new associates through Tinder. But hey, talk about innovation, huh?
11. Meeting Again For The First Time
A few years ago, I was dating this girl and her father REALLY hated me. Which was a bit odd as most parents love me (or at least lie about it really well). He was just a huge jerk and I always called him out on his stuff. Anyways, her parents got divorced, we broke up a few months later, etc. etc.
Fast forward to around a year later. Me and girl from Tinder were dating for a few months and things were starting to get serious. We're at the point where she wants me to meet her family. Mother, stepfather, little sister. Why not? I have no problems meeting them, "let's do it," I said. She told me how excited her stepdad was to meet me, and as it turns out we both happen to be Kansas City Chiefs fans.
Well, screw me if it wasn't the same jerk father of my ex-girlfriend...
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12. Like It's Her Birthday
Buddy of mine hit it off with this girl and after a few days she invited him over to a house party. "Sure" he says, what could go wrong? He shows up and is introduced to a few of her friends, all guys. As the night carries on, more and more guys show up and very few girls are actually at the party. After they start talking about how they all know this girl, they find out that she invited them all from Tinder. Every guy was there not to hook up, but to populate this chick's birthday party.
13. Five Star Review
Showed up to the restaurant, waited about 30 minutes. Ordered myself some food and was about to leave when he texted me: "there's a liquor store across the street from the restaurant, can you pick me up 2 six packs?"
I told him I wouldn't. He says he's decided to play frisbee with his dog instead. Deleted app, went to liquor store, picked up wine, and went home.
He texted me for a month or so after to tell me he's just bought tickets to see me dance (I'm a retired ballerina, haven't been in anything for a few years). Then he texts me an hour after and tells me how great I was on stage. I never responded.
Dating is too confusing. I'm all done.
14. Paper Planes
I started talking to this really sweet guy for about two weeks and things were going well. Then I started getting calls from this girl who he claimed was his crazy roommate that was in love with him and kept trying to get him fired from jobs. Turns out, she wasn’t the one lying, she was actually his live-in girlfriend, and they had moved here together from a different state. Apparently, he wasn’t actually a citizen and was trying to obtain papers. Thanks, Tinder.
15. Written On The Subway Wall
I needed a date to Passover dinner with my friends. He wore a vest and a newsboy hat, then introduced himself with a bow and a hat flourish. The night only got worse from there. He refused to eat any of the food because "things on the plate were touching" (It was soup) and wouldn't shut his mouth during the 12 minutes of seder. When it came time for his train home, he purposely missed it so he could stay the night. HAHA NOPE. After a movie with uncomfortable levels of hoverboob, I convinced my friend to come with me to drive him to the nearest train station. During the ride, he thought was the best time to tell me he was schizophrenic but didn't take medicine because "it was the devil." He tried to hold my hand saying that they were small and made him feel like a pedophile.
The night ended with him telling me he was going to poop on the subway and write my name in it.
There was no second date.
Photo by Pau Casals on Unsplash
16. Check, Please
I met up with this guy I had been talking to for a few weeks. Tall, dark, and handsome, originally from Turkey, world traveler, etc. Anyway, we meet up for sushi and things are going great, tons of stuff in common, and then it was like a PSYCHO switch flipped. He started talking about how now that we were going out, I couldn't wear nail polish because he got weirded out holding hands with someone who wore nail polish and how he wanted to have a daughter but freeze her in time at the age of 4 so that she'd always be a Daddy's girl and love him forever, and how when we got old we'd have to have sex with the lights off since I'd be wrinkly and unattractive and just went on and on. I literally just stared at him speechless and tried to get through the date expecting, at the very least, a free meal. But nooo, no free meal. In fact, more expensive meal. This guy had the nerve to ask the waitress to split the check when he ordered twice what I had! We paid, I stormed out, and never talked to him again.
Photo by Jack Finnigan on Unsplash
17. Roll On
I messaged a cute blonde girl one day, got a response, and after a while of back and forth making each other laugh and getting along, I mention I'm in a wheelchair, and suddenly she was losing her mind talking about our future and how she wants to explore places like Australia and I wouldn't be able to do that with her because of my wheelchair.
I let her go on for a while to see if she'd ever bring it around to a normal person thought process but it never happened. She lost her mind.
Photo by Seth kane on Unsplash
18. Hillbilly Rock
I had been on a couple of dates with this girl that I met on Tinder and learned that she was really into the rockabilly scene. I found out that a local nightclub was hosting a rockabilly-themed night and so I took her. She had dressed to the nines and we were having a great time in the club. Suddenly this guy accidentally tipped a drink on her 50's style dress. The guy apologized profusely. She storms over to grab her coat and bag and on the way out she just punches the guy in the face. Everyone in the club was shocked. I took her outside and told her she couldn't react like that and that's when she took her heel off and hit me square in the face for "siding with the guy." Blood everywhere. I never answered her calls after that.
19. A Reasonable Excuse
I met this guy on Tinder and we had a couple really fun dates. I was pretty into him, so on our third date, I decided I wanted to sleep with him. He took me out for a really nice date and then he invited me back to his place for a glass of wine. One thing led to another and we started making out on his couch, fully clothed. But this lasted FOREVER. I didn't want to make out the whole night. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and I took off all of my clothes. Then he sits up, still fully clothed, and looks at me, and says, "I can't sleep with you, I have an STD." Possibly the most awkward moment of my life. I tried to be super nice about it, but I promptly got dressed and left. And as many of my friends have pointed out, I am extremely grateful that he told me.
Photo by Andraz Lazic on Unsplash
20. Salad Days
En route to the worst date ever, this guy texted me from the burrito place we were meeting to tell me he’d already ordered me the salad. I repeat: SALAD. At a burrito place. Also, was this the past? Was I now incapable of placing my own food order? Anyway. After arriving, with my salad ready, beside his plate of tacos, he spent the next half an hour telling me about his model ex-girlfriend and how passionate their "breakup sex" had been... last weekend. The final straw was when, even after telling him I wasn’t a big fan of smoking, he literally asked a stranger for cigarettes and then chain-smoked them beside me.
21. Don't Tase Me, Bro
I went on a Tinder date and as we are walking to get drinks, she tells me (not asks, mind you) "you are going to walk me to my car." I say "Okay." And then she says "I have a taser" and pulls it out and turns it on. I assume in order to make sure I didn't try any funny business? Regardless, at that point, I told her it was nice to meet her, but I didn't want to continue and said goodnight.
22. I've Got A Perfect Puzzle For You
I met a girl and she seemed pretty cool. She worked for a popular internet magazine that produces popular lists and starts with a B, so I thought we would get along. She shows up 20 minutes late for our date because in her words she moved into her place 2 and 1/2 months ago and she hadn't done laundry yet (but she did mention she did have a ton of panties) so she sent her clothes out using an app and they had just returned the wrong person's clothes and she had to look though their stuff to find something she could wear (yes, that means she wore someone else's outfit to our date). She also showed up in an ungodly amount of bronzer, bright green eyeshadow, and blue mascara giving her the appearance of an Oompa Loompa (did I mention our date was at a coffee and chocolate shop known for its hot cocoa?). I made up an excuse and took the long train ride home
23. Froyo Yolo
I met my Tinder girl at the train station and she wasn’t the most talkative of sorts, but I maintained conversation all the way up to the bar we’d agreed on earlier. Only when we got there, she refused to go in, saying she didn’t like “the look of it.” We carried on down the road with me maintaining most of the conversation, and we passed nine more bars that she didn’t like the look of either. By now we were walking in near silence, so I steered our walk back towards the train station, ready to call it a day and head home. But suddenly, my Tinder lady stopped and pointed at something, saying “That’s what I want, I want to go there.” It was a van selling frozen yogurt. I no longer like froyo.
24. Kisses Of Fire
Went on a date with a shy Armenian girl who was new to town and didn't know anyone. No big deal, I'm friendly.
She's shy, and to loosen up, she starts drinking, but she doesn't stop. So after a while, she is just plastered. Dancing on the table tops. I want to leave her, but I'm not a scummy guy and it doesn't feel safe. She ends up wanting to bar hop, so we do. I convince her not to drink anymore.
She starts making out with random guys. Is she their problem now? No, she still has me escorting her around. Makes out with a bartender, etc. Now we make it to a new spot, she's making out with a guy full-on and I run into my ex with her current boyfriend.
Yeah, my date started making out with her boyfriend's Rugby teammate. I ended up awkwardly hanging out with my ex while my "date" left with the teammate. She ran into me again days later and was very embarrassed.
25. Cry Me A River
The first date, she tells me I've already ruined the night because I chose to sit on the bar side of the restaurant. Second date, she got us kicked out of my favorite restaurant for yelling at 2 guys wearing Pats jerseys. Not a Pats fan, don't really care. Two weeks go by, she calls crying because I didn't call her on my birthday. I agree to a post-birthday lunch date. I tell her I'm not interested in continuing seeing her, she runs to the bathroom crying (this is date 3, I don't even know her last name). I take a bite of her sandwich. Pay for the lunch, walk home. This is 1 of 3 awful Tinder experiences, I'm not sure I'm ready to try again.
26. A Snappy Reaction
We meet up, she's really pretty, seemed really cool. We hang out a couple times, hook up a little. She seemed really into me. A couple weeks go by, then a friend of mine died unexpectedly, and my grieving process usually involves me holing up for a little while to just be miserable by myself. I told her what happened and that I needed to be left alone for a little bit. She texted back saying she was so sorry and that she wished she could come hold me. About 26 hours later, I text her just saying goodnight. I woke up the next morning to a response along the lines of "lol, wow, seriously? I've lost interest. Maybe if you get your stuff together in a couple of weeks you can come back and maybe we can try again."
27. Play 'Free Bird!'
My first Tinder date was interesting. We went for curry at some Japanese restaurant, went for a walk in the park, I bought some macarons. It went well enough to warrant a date to the fair, and that went well enough to get her to come over to my place.
So, we decided the best thing to do was play guitar, make homemade egg rolls and watch Napoleon Dynamite. The egg rolls went over well, and we got the movie going on. We eat up, I set away the dishes and I take my seat next to her, trying to get closer and closer. Eventually, we're next to each other and I slowly start leaning onto her shoulder, which she pointed out. I scoot away taking it that she didn't want to be so close, to which she says "yeah that's right, just go all the way over there away from me." Jokingly, I agree and decided to throw the covers that were on the bed behind us, between us. Unfortunately, I forgot we played with the guitar and I decided to put the guitar on the bed. At that point, the guitar fell with the covers and hit her on the head.
28. Mirror Image
It was our second date, I was pretty into her and the first date was really good so I was expecting a great night.
She suggested we go to a favorite bar of hers, have a few drinks, and chill out. When we get there, we discover a load of her friends sitting around in a group. She introduces me and sheepishly mentions we met on Tinder. This gains me a few weird looks. One guy (who happened to look quite like me) reacts a little more obviously to the rest.
My date introduces her friends and goes off to get drinks, leaving me to the group's collective judging stare. The dude who looks like me says, "What was your name again?" After I say it, the group turn to mutter to each other. He smiles wryly and asks, "What about your full name?" When I tell him, the group erupts in laughter.
Turns out the guy who looked like me was in fact her ex... who also happened to have the same first and last name as me. Made for some incredibly awkward conversation.
29. The Ramblin' Wreck
I went on a date with a guy. It was pretty decent. He was an engineer, pretty nerdy. He asked me on a second date, where he said he was going to make dinner for me. He makes jerk chicken, which is literally so spicy that it is inedible. I could not eat even one bite of this food. I guess the guy was nervous or something, because he wolfed down 3 huge plates of this jerk chicken in under 5 minutes. I have never seen anything like it. He didn't even talk to me, he just shoveled food into his face. Then about 10 minutes later, he has to go to the bathroom. He is in there for about 20 minutes. He comes back out and I can see that he is super sick. He is sweating, his eyes are watering, and he reeks of poo. He makes it for about 5 more minutes before he has to go back to the bathroom. He went to the bathroom 7 times while I was there. The WORST part of this though was for the 2 hours I was there (most of which he spent in the bathroom) he made me watch Georgia Tech football. I hate football and I tried to change the channel, but when he would come back out of the bathroom, he would put it back on "the game." After this, he texted me for about a month periodically to ask what I was wearing to bed. Even though I didn't answer he would just keep texting. I finally had to tell him explicitly to eff off.
30. Bluetooth Nightmare
I had been talking to this girl on Tinder for a while and we decided we wanted to meet. The problem is I had asked my roommate if I could have the room later. So when I went to sign this girl in, we have a proctor in the lobby at my university's dorms, my roommate and several other friends of mine placed a Bluetooth speaker in my room and hid in the hallway, waiting for me to get back. I didn't see them and things started to get hot and heavy when, "Let's Get It On" started playing from somewhere in the room. I started searching and after 5 minutes, while the song was finishing playing, I found the Bluetooth speaker under my roommate's bed behind his dresser. Yes, I had to move both of them. The two of us decided to call it so we threw on some clothes I walked her past all six of those jerks. I never saw her again.
31. Guns For Hire
So I went on a date with this girl, she drove to my house and I drove her to the date. She was a bit bigger than she let on in her pictures, but that's pretty much expected. We go to a drive-in movie, it's alright. She's pretty boring overall, don't really plan on seeing her again. Movie ends, I drive to my house, say goodbye, she drives home.
The next night, I'm watching TV with my roommate. Someone calls my phone from a blocked number and says "Whatchu doing with my girl?" I had no idea what he was talking about, so I just kept saying "I don't know what you're talking about." He said "Why have you been texting her? What are you calling her about? You better not be messing with <name>." When I hear the name, it clicks. I guess this is her jealous boyfriend. He says, "I have your address, I'm going to come and set you right."
Well, that night I slept with my gun very close by. He never came and I never heard from either of them ever again.
32. Like A Virgin
Happened a year ago. Met this guy. Similar interests, looked great in his pictures. We decided to meet up on a Sunday for lunch. I was so hungover from a friend's Christmas party that I threw up upon arrival. He didn't seem to mind. He didn't order a drink and I couldn't order one due to the hangover. Once the hangover subsided, I suggested we walk around and head into a bar. He doesn't like the first bar, had a "bad experience" at the next bar, and keeps on passing on them. Until we finally get to his favorite bar. He orders drinks, and after a few more drinks I suggest heading to a wine bar. He passes, because he confesses that he's only 20. And while his profile said he worked at a local college, it was a work study position, because he is a junior there. Maybe it was the hangover, maybe it was the exhaustion, but I still brought him home. Things occurred, and I found out he was a virgin. He ran away in tears and threw up on my apartment stairs. Repeated the process once he was 21, and it was almost the same situation. Never again.
33. The 51% Chance Rule
Matched a girl, talked briefly, and she messaged me asking me to come over and have sex (very explicitly). We hooked up and she's obviously insane so I bail. Months later I get called into the Dean of Students' Office. Got accused of sexual assault. Was under investigation for the majority of a year. Almost got kicked out of school. Stuff is super messed up because they judge based on this thing called the preponderance of the evidence rule (don't know if that is widely known or unique to my school). Basically, if there's a 51% chance I did it in the eyes of the investigator, I'm guilty. Just recently got my not-guilty verdict. Talk about a relief.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
34. Sexual Assault Is Never Normal
I started talking to this really attractive mid-30 guy. Seemed pretty cool, but he had this idea that women were supposed to be at home, in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant... I'm not that kinda gal. But I figured whatever, maybe he's just joking. So we talk for a few weeks and then he invites himself over to my place. He gets to my place... The picture on his profile had to have been at least 5 years old. He was a lot larger and a lot grayer than his picture. But again, I thought whatever. We go up to my room and we're sitting on my bed talking. He then casually drops "I've sexually assaulted women before" on me like it's nothing. Then proceeds to push me onto the bed, face in the mattress, full weight on top of me, taking these huge deep breaths of me, apparently. Then he starts telling me about some of the women he has sexually assaulted and how they really liked it and would come back for me. What the hell man?!? I kicked him right out. Not today Satan.
Photo by Perchek Industrie on Unsplash
35. Cat-Napping
Went on a date with this cute girl. We talked about an hour and she was fascinated when I brought up my cats. She was very eager to meet them so we proceeded to go to my place. Spent a few hours just playing with my cats. She was about to leave and before she put her shoes on to go, she says to me, “Oh I forgot something.” And went to grab my youngest kitten, (during the time 4 months old) and picked him up and wanted to walk out with him. I stopped her and asked her what was she doing. Her reply was, “I thought you let me adopt him?”
36. Dead Serious
Met a guy on Tinder, we talked for a while on Facebook before a meeting. He decides to come to my work for my lunch break. I was working 3rd shift at the time so this was at like 3 AM. I hung out in his car in complete silence while he played on his phone. Then he started to show me pictures of REAL dead bodies on his phone. I hopped out of his car so fast. That was my first and last Tinder date.
37. Blast From The Past
I matched with a guy I went to high school with and who I always thought was really good looking and really cool, played sports, well liked by everyone, etc. I probably hadn’t seen him in two years at this point but in his Tinder pictures he still looked the same, so we agreed to meet up for coffee. He comes in with greasy long hair, a beard, and actually looked homeless, and went on to tell me that he dropped out of college and has severe ADHD now. He couldn’t focus on one thing and was fidgeting the entire date, told me how he’s now one with the Earth, and at the end of it told me he was gay. I’m a girl. I seriously thought I was being punk’d.
38. An Intense Interview
Guy kept asking me out for weeks and even called me (we had exchanged numbers eventually) to convince me, so I decided to give it a try. We decided to meet at a bar. He got there 30 minutes late and ordered a coke. Apparently, he was a recovering alcoholic. That's not a problem for me, I just thought it was weird that he had agreed to go to a bar. And then, he proceeded to perform on me what felt like a job interview. At some point, I even sarcastically asked, "am I doing ok here?" After 40 minutes of that, he got up, paid for his coke and said, "I'm gonna go, I have to get up early tomorrow." And left. We haven't talked since.
39. Oral Exam
The weirdest one was probably going out with this dentist guy. We were in a cafe. He then asked to see my teeth and questioned about my oral hygiene. I have pretty good teeth according to him but that was weird.
40. Mama's Boy
I had been on a few dates with a guy I meant on Tinder, and things seemed to be going really well! We had common interests, he was funny, smart, attractive and incredibly kind. One evening he invited me over to his house (we had always had public dates beforehand) and I agreed. The night started out great; he cooked dinner, we watched a movie, and things started to lead towards the bedroom. Before we got there, he asked if he could show me his favorite room in the house. Somewhat confused, I agreed. He opened a door beside his bedroom, and we walked into a baby nursery. Not just any nursery, a nursery with an adult sized crib, changing table, diapers etc. He told me that he was into baby role playing, and would be very happy if I would agree to be his mommy. I’m a very open minded person, but that’s not something I would be able to do for him, and politely excused myself. He messaged me the next day, asking if I would reconsider and I once again politely told him that we could no longer see each other.
41. Plenty Of Fish
I noticed a cute French girl. In her bio, she mentioned there were some tadpoles in a pothole by her house that she wanted to rescue. I never know what to start off with so I figured this would be a good conversation starter. I ended up bringing a ladle (a spoon with holes in it) and we fished a few out of the pothole, put them in a jar and brought them to a nearby pond. The rest of this first and last date was super awkward but hey, at least we rescued some tadpoles.
42. On A Roll
Turns out she was just broke and really wanted a free meal, I found out almost instantly when she devoured almost every roll at red lobster in like two minutes...I still called her back.
43. Romantic Robbery
I went on a date to a live music bar with someone I met on an app. The bar was in a sketchier part of the city, and we ended up getting jumped by a homeless guy. He started out by asking to show us “card tricks,” cornered us, commanded us to kiss each other, and then took all of our cash. It’s definitely my weirdest “first kiss” story. We ended up being a little too freaked out to continue the date, ended up climbing a tree at a nearby park and talking all night, then decided to get some late night waffles. We now see each other all the time and I’ve actually never met anyone I’m so compatible with before.
44. Heavy Weight Talk
She spent the whole time making small comments about her weight, and how she was "fat." She was definitely a bigger girl but was also extremely pretty, and I know how it is to feel insecure sometimes so I don't hold it against anyone...but my lord she would not shut up about it. The fact that she spent the whole date bringing it up left me drained.
45. Child Karate
About ten minutes in she karate chopped a child and then spent the rest of the date holding her blouse closed because one of the buttons had come off. Two years later we’re about to buy a house together.
46. Chapped Hands
Maybe not weirdest I guess but just bad. We went to Olive Garden and the conversation just wasn’t clicking. He looked a little different than his photos. The one thing that was weird (maybe it’s just because no one I know does this). But he kept putting chapstick all over his hands. All night. Super weird to me. I’m awkward so I’ll attribute some of it to me. That was five years ago, haven’t spoken to him since that date and he just tried to add me on Snapchat a few weeks ago.
47. Spoiled Dinner
Was so stoked for a date I had with this very attractive girl. The conversation had been great so I wanted to spare no expense. Went out to a nice place. Food's good, the conversation is strong. She takes a picture of her dessert to post on Instagram and then shows me the post with the tagline "when you're on a terrible date but the dessert is fleek." I cringed so hard.
48. Sneaky Snaps
The first date after my ex and me broke up.
I had spoken to her on both Tinder and Snapchat for a couple of weeks until the date. I get to the date and she looks nothing like her profile pics or snaps. We have the date and she even asks me about profile pics and says I look more handsome in real life than on the pics; I, however, can't get myself to lie. But neither do I want to hurt her feelings, so I kind of just answer thank you without repaying the compliment.
After the date, I go in to give her a hug and she pulls me in to kiss me. After that, I just hurried off.
10 minutes later she sends me a snap selfie and once again I'm dumbfounded because it just doesn't look like her! She had mastered the art of just the most perfect angle to look 10 times better in the photos than in real life.
49. Toy Story
I've been on ONE Tinder date. She didn't look anything like the pics, she was much less attractive. We went to the mall and for ice cream and after that she took us to a toy store. She was just walking around looking at the toys. I'm not really a rude person so I stuck with it but it was just terrible. Uninstalled Tinder after that.
50. A Hard Lesson
When I was a freshman in college I went on a coffee date with a guy who had lied about his age. He was 10 years older than I thought he was. Turned out he was an English teacher for high school seniors. I was essentially the same age as his students. Gross.
51. Fatal Attraction
She ran me over with her car after seeing me with another girl three weeks after our first date. After our first date, I had told her I wasn’t interested. Took psycho to a new level.
52. Music Maniac
Went over to his place, turned on some music, and he spent the entire time scoffing at my choice of music and proclaiming how his choices were vastly superior. Went in for a kiss towards the end because may as well try at least and he was still attractive, but he was too busy complaining about my taste in music to even notice.
53. Check Mate
I swiped right because I found his bio humorous. "Just looking for a chess partner." We messaged back and forth and he seemed pretty normal so we decided to meet up for a drink. When I messaged him because I couldn't spot him outside the meeting place he said "I'm the one with a chess board." I had to break it to him that I had no idea how to play chess and that I thought his bio was a joke.
54. Bleeding In Love
We went skateboarding together and she tried really hard to do this one trick to impress me, but she fell and hit her chin and started bleeding. I have never felt so terrible in my life.
55. Lost In Translation
I show up and park across the street (zero parking at her place) and try telling her over the phone number she gave me 10 minutes earlier. Not a lick of comprehension on her part until eventually 20 minutes later she ventures out and sees me. Apparently, she had been using Google translate over messaging the entire time. Worst 40 minute date ever and last time I ever offer to pick someone up on the first date without verbally talking first.
56. Caffeine Feind
I met this girl at a coffee shop. I got iced coffee and she got freshly made hot coffee. She proceeds to tell me how much she likes HOT coffee and chugs the entire cup of boiling hot coffee like it was normal...it wasn't.
57. Shaken Up
We went out for milkshakes, she was wasted. Talked about her ex-boyfriend the whole time. Her ex-boyfriend called her, she said something like "what the heck do you want? I'm with my new boyfriend!" I noped right out of that situation.
58. Ruining The Mood
Went to see a movie. The movie we planned to see was unavailable but I talked about the fun of seeing a movie you hadn't heard of with no expectations. We both went to the toilet before entering and I waited outside the movie where we agreed. Turns out she changed her mind on going to the bathroom and went straight in. Because I waited I had to move to my seat in the dark, as the movie had started. Finally got seated next to her and it turns out the movie is about rape and abduction. Putting an arm around her just never felt like the right move. We didn't have chemistry anyway, but I sure messed that one up.
59. Knot Into It
We met at a coffee shop and were just talking and telling each other facts about ourselves. He just happened to casually mention that he’s into bondage and is really good at tying knots. He even asked me if I wanted to see him do it in the middle of the coffee shop.
60. No Laughing Matter
Met this decent looking dude on Tinder and he seemed fairly smart and interesting. We decided to go on a date at 11:30 p.m. to this cute gelato place. I meet him and realize that I'm definitely not attracted to him, but we have a pleasant time anyway. We drive around in his car for a while before I recognize it'd be impolite not to invite him over. So I do, making it clear that I'm not looking for anything beyond friendship. Then we start talking again in my house and I find out he doesn't think women are funny for some stupid reason and is just sexist in some distorted way. I excuse that although I'm pretty ticked off and then he asks me if he can stay over since he lives with his parents and doesn't want to disturb them late at night. So I let him sleep in the other room though I'm just uncomfortable with it at this point, and he leaves in the morning. He left his jacket behind and it's still in my house. I didn't want to meet him again so I dumped it somewhere.
61. Fishy Behavior
Went over to the dude's house. He was weird from the get go. Talked NON-STOP about nonsense and made sound effects for anything and everything. Showed me around. We ended up in his room with him serenading me with his guitar right off the bat. Then he rips off his shirt to reveal his goldfish tattoo. Not a real goldfish, the snack kind. Then just leans in to kiss me.
Needless to say, I had my friend fake an emergency and I had him blocked on Tinder and my phone before I left the end of his street.
62. Marching Away
This was January of last year when there was a bunch of women's marches. We'd chatted a bit and she seemed like someone I'd really dig. Get to the place and she brings up the marches and how she is thrilled that they're coming together and such. I'm really liking the conversation and such, but she then starts bagging on pretty much every other woman in the place, "ugh, she should not be wearing that," etc. Complete put-off for me; she seemed confused about why I ghosted her afterward and thought we had a great time.
63. Window Shopping
Last week I had a date with a guy in an Ikea, of all places. He had to go there anyway so it was more practical to him to combine his visit there with a date. Funny thing is that he was the one that didn’t want to go on a second date after that. My face must’ve shown him how I excited I was being in an Ikea...
64. Crazy Committed
Went to a local cafe, the date went well until she flipped the crazy switch. She started inquiring when we would get an apartment together, as well as have children. Also, how many children we would have. She ended up messaging every day, multiple times a day, wondering why I didn't want to talk to her. I ended up calling her and just telling her it wasn't going to work. She flipped and told me our relationship was built on lies and she was breaking up with me. We only went on one date.
65. Sleeping Beauty
I picked up this one girl from her house and she fell asleep until we got to the restaurant.
66. Sobering Soccer Game
While talking before the date he explained that he doesn't drink or smoke or do any "hard drugs." While on the date he told me he was going to drop acid the next day. When I brought up what he previously said he argued with me about how sugar is more of a drug than acid. Sure, buddy. We were at a soccer game and he became aggressive and started making weird grunting noises. The worst part? I overheard the people behind us say "Oh look these two are on a first date. It's not going well. Do you see how uncomfortable she looks?" Hillarious now, but painfully awkward at the time.
67. Farmer's Market Fiasco
This girl on OKCupid invited me to a farmer's market. I'd never been to one. I thought maybe we'd go, enjoy the experience, then stop somewhere for drinks, etc.
I show up, and she's got multiple reusable shopping bags. The "date" was walking around chatting in the heat while she did her grocery shopping. The conversation was along the lines of, "What's your favorite vegetable?" I don't think "sauerkraut on a bratwurst" was the answer she was looking for.
On the bright side, I walked her to her car (where we tacitly avoided the subject of another date) then walked over to a brewery and was introduced to the wonderful world of take-home growlers.
68. Repeat Offender
Probably the one where she got arrested right after the date, and then we hung out again and she got arrested right after that date as well.
69. Rough Romanian
My first ever Tinder date was with a guy from Romania. He was kind of cute and I thought it was cool that he was from another country. We'd been texting for a week or so and he seemed interesting. We met at a festival and the first thing that I noticed was that he was about 8 inches shorter than I'd expected and didn't look much like he did in photos. Not a huge deal, a lot of people look different in photos. He also had way too much gross-smelling cologne. After hurrying through the festival we sat and chatted for a while and I told him about how I love children and animals. He proceeded to tell me that when he lived in Romania, he used to like to pick cats up by their tails and throw them on top of houses and that it "didn't really hurt them." He also said that he thought Americans needed to beat their kids more. After the conversation died down awkwardly, I made some excuse about needing to go home. To my surprise, he still wanted a second date.
The next guy I met on Tinder ended up being the absolute best date I've ever been on and we've been together for almost three years now.
70. Dam Cute Date
We went to a pond and looked for frogs and stuff. We saw a beaver! It was great. Not traditional, but perfect for me.
71. Freeloading Finesse
Worst date I went on hands DOWN. A guy acted incredibly interested in me and I gave him a shot. He told me he didn't have any money for a date, fine, we are in college, I get it! He proceeds to show up, I pay for him the whole time, everything is going great. He asks to see me again, but the next day doesn't even talk to me. Hope the free food was worth it!
72. Girl Interrupted
His girlfriend, ex/girlfriend (not quite sure what she was, as he told me he was single) unlocked his apartment door and walked in on us watching a movie on his couch after we met for dinner.
She was not happy and started yelling and cursing. It was super awkward, especially when her dog she brought came over and started sniffing me.
Luckily he took her outside and calmed her down. She stood about 50 ft away quietly on the sidewalk while I left shortly after. I told him he should probably get off that dating site so no one else has to go through the same awful situation he put me in.
73. Slothing Along
The girl I was on the date with went on for an hour about sloths.
74. Weathering The Storm
She just got out of the hospital and a snap blizzard hit, February 14th, 2014. The bus dropped her off but no taxi or Uber dared drive out to get her so she was stranded at the waffle restaurant. So I took my Jeep Grand Cherokee the 100 miles in the snow to meet for the first time and to save her. I made it 90% of the way, hit some black ice, then slid sideways into a power pole. The guy that lived there pulled out his tractor-trailer and pulled me off the pole. I continued my journey as the knight in shiny, smashed armor. I make it to the restaurant and pick her up. Her door doesn't open because it was smashed in. She climbs over from the other side, casually brushing aside bits of broken glass from the shattered window. We proceed to drive 25 minutes in the snow with freezing air tossing her post-surgery bed head hair around. We made casual conversation. We get to her house and I get out so she can climb back over my seat to get out. She thanks me and we part ways. Come to find out my truck's frame was bent and should not have been driven. 4 years later: We're happily married, going through IVF to have a daughter.
75. Three Strikes
I'm afraid of Tinder because I've had bad experiences with online dating on places like POF and Match. One guy started stalking me because I didn't want to go on a second date. Kept calling, texting, coming to my work until I had my manager tell him flat out to leave and never come back. Luckily he never found my house but I know he was trying to find it. Another guy tried to get frisky after dinner, grabbing my face to kiss me and when I tried to leave the restaurant he smacked my butt and told me it's all good, he's just really into me. One man I thought was decent and had 3 dates with ended up being married. No plans for divorce, he just wanted a fun girlfriend for weekends. I've never met a serious man online. They all just want hookups. Or they're creepy loners who think one date means we're in a relationship. So I'm never going online for a date ever. Not even going near Tinder.
76. Missed Target
I wanted to have a standard coffee date because you can't go wrong with a coffee date. She was pretty attractive, and when I picked her up she greeted me with a very enthusiastic, "Hey, handsome!" We ended up going to a coffee shop inside of a shopping center.
She didn't want to sit at a table and talk. Instead, she insisted we just walked around the store and commented on all the items on the shelves. I don't think either of us bought anything. It was so odd. I drove her back home soon after and never spoke again.
77. Pizza With A Side Of Cult
Went out with a dude who apparently was just on Tinder to try to convert people to his religion, but it was just a religion that he'd created for himself and it involved using 'science' with actual lab equipment he'd bought off of eBay to try to 'cure death.' And he was convinced that Google had ripped him off and they were out to get him because he was 'the little guy' and 'they're afraid that if I get too much power, I'll expose them for who they really are.' And he bought a cheap garlic chicken pizza for us. Who eats a garlic chicken pizza. What.
78. Wasted And Disoriented
Me and a guy from Tinder exchanged numbers two years ago. He texted me for months but he never wanted to meet up with me (should have been my first red flag). Just recently he messaged me again and said we should meet up. We went on about four dates. On our fourth date, he had been drinking all day and was too wasted to meet up with me for our planned date so I just went to his condo to hang out with him. While there, he proceeded to have a 10 minute long conversation with me thinking I was a different girl. The girl he thought I was, was his best friend's pregnant wife who he’s been having an affair with. Seriously, are there any normal guys out there anymore?
79. Too Good To Be True
The weirdest one in my experience was with this guy that liked all the same things I did, laughed at the things I laughed at and liked doing the same things. I'd never experienced anything like it.
We're married now.
80. Not So Great In Person
So I met this guy. He was in the army and we couldn't meet each other soon enough so we ended up speaking over the phone for around a month or so. He was cute, made me laugh and sensitive. We scheduled a date for a Saturday night. I picked him from the bus station with my car when he was carrying a huge bag with him. I didn't realized until that moment, that he had planned on spending the night without even asking me, assuming it's ok because his base was closer to my house. I must say that I wasn't attracted to him at all, but I really liked his personality... As I met him in person I felt like something About him was really off. We went to a restaurant, had an okay-first-date time, and then came along the check. I've naturally reached, I hate this tradition and believe sharing half half is totally legit. He insisted on paying and handed the waitress his credit card. She soon came back to tell the dude the deal wasn't accepted by the credit company. I immediately pulled my card out and paid for the meal. No worries, it's all good, it happens. I didn't Want to make a huge deal about it.
We came back to my place, highly unpleasant experience. I lived with my parents (19, then, I'm not from the states so now college yet) and didn't warn them I'm bringing a boy over. They're usually somewhat ok with that as long as I tell them before. But I simply arrived with him unannounced which cause a. Major awkwardness. We all swallowed the bitter pill whilst my dad interviewed him, and then we went to my room. Even when I wasn't that attracted to him, I was in this period in my life where I couldn't say no to a sexual act, due to my really low self esteem, I was grateful for every man who touched me (I was really fat and lost a lot of weight)... So things started happening and then he couldn't get his thingy up. I tried a few methods and nothing helped. I promised him It's okay. And we went to bed. In the morning I drove him to the bus and we said goodbye, it seemed like it was ok. Ever since, He dismissed all my messages and calls and I never heard from him again.
I think I dodged a bullet there
Photo by Arisa Chattasa on Unsplash
81. Not What I Thought
So I matched with this girl by accident. She messaged me first, was super into me and wanted to hook up. We talked to about a day or so, and I was free the next night and figured we should get together. She wasn't the best looking girl, but looked cute enough in her pics for me to say "why not?". So I gave it a shot.
I go over to see her, and... yeah. She was hideous. The moment I saw her I knew I had gotten myself into a bad situation. Despite this, I tried my best to ease the awkwardness. We put on music, I asked her some questions, but it was just really bad. She was not who she made herself out to be and I honestly felt disappointed. I couldn't subject myself to this, so I created an excuse to dip out, then left.
Does doing this make me a bad person? Well, probably
Photo by Vladimir Tsokalo on Unsplash
82. A Bit Too Cocky
Not Tinder, but OKCupid. Went out for drinks with a guy who was a few years older than me (he was 27, I was 21 at the time). He starts telling me he's a lawyer, which is great, but I quickly realize we have virtually nothing in common. But I decided to ride it out, as he seemed friendly enough. I asked him if there was a particular reason he was on OKCupid, which I felt was a pretty normal question, right? But he looks at me like I'm a goddamn retard and says "Uh. To sleep with women."
So I go, "Really?" "Well, yeah." "What, you can't do that without the internet?" And he says, "Well, looking around the bar right now, I see like, six girls I want to sleep with. (He pointedly did not look at me during this.) But it's not like I can just go up to each of them right now. So, you know. It makes it easier."
At this point, I was just laughing internally at this guy's misguided attempt to come off as a lady-killer. I couldn't tell if he was socially awkward or incredibly rude -- if he had said half-jokingly "Well, to meet girls, haha", I would have laughed at his cockiness. But the way he said it just came off weird and dickish.
So I ordered a .5L of the strongest and most expensive beer they had, let him pay for it, gave him a slow kiss to let him know what he was missing, and peaced out.
Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash
83. Crazy Allegations
Hit it off with this really cute Italian girl, she was a little odd at first, but I put it down to quirky charm. She was gorgeous, and at first glance completely my type. Ended up having sex the first date. It was amazing. Spoilers, I stupidly let her film me performing oral sex. You can see where this is going. We were good for like another couple weeks or so, before she had a dream where I sexually assaulted her, and she called me and was like, why would you do that to me. I'm literally in awe, trying to explain that dreams and reality are not the same thing. She's not having any of it.
I don't hear from her for about a month (we stopped seeing each other) I moved on, was actually on another date at the time. And about 7 in the morning I get a text, saying dude go on Facebook.
Sure enough, she'd got into my account (I used her phone once for Facebook as mine had died and I needed to speak to someone) and she'd posted the video of me eating her out, with a massive blurb of text basically saying (as myself) that I sexually assaulted her and I felt really bad about what I did, and that I thought I was evil. She's barely visible in the video, only my face buried between her legs, pretty much. Luckily my friend caught it only an hour into it being online, so it wasn't massively widespread. But long enough for many of my close friends, boss and mother to see. Luckily they're a chill group and most forgot about it within a month or so. Goddam I'm lucky to know the people I do. Could have been really really bad.
Photo by Tim Bennett on Unsplash
84. Put A Baby In Me
I think my only truly awful Tinder date was with this woman who I started chatting with who was attractive, only a little older than me (24, at the time I was 21), and seemed very intelligent. We had a nice date and went back to her place and I was thinking " yes, this is it, finally going to get that V-card punched" and we sat down and started talking and then she told me she wanted to have sex with me so that she could get pregnant. After my initial response (stunned silence, like literally, what the hell?) she started trying to persuade me by talking about how "cute he would look" and how emotionally stable she was in her life (right, because looking for strangers on the internet to impregnate you is clearly the mark of emotional stability). Then she started trying to seduce me and when I told her I was going to leave she became aggressive, at one point grabbing my arm (this woman was taller than me by several inches, at that point I gained a new appreciation for women who are sexually harassed) as I was trying to reach the door.
I debated calling the police after I managed to get out, but decided against it and instead just thanked my lucky stars that I didn't give her my phone number and that I was able to escape from the possibility of being forced into being a parent for the spawn of a clearly disturbed woman.
The whole incident made me seriously wish Tinder had a way to report users as "Legit psycho crazy please call the cops".
Seriously, as if it wasn't obvious, be careful with this thing. Insanity and awfulness isn't limited only to the male users.
Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash
85. No Parents On The First Date Please
I have been on three tinder dates, with three seperate girls, and they have all been the same horror story.
For some reason, the god of tinder has decided for me that whenever I'm on a tinder date with a girl, we will run into her parents at some point during the date. 3/3 times this happened. 3/3 times it was horribly awkward for everyone involved.
Photo by Esther Wiegardt on Unsplash
86. Family Is Priority
My Tinder horror story is also someone else's Tinder horror story.
So I downloaded Tinder this fall for fun. Now, I'm a good looking guy, easily 8,5/10. Within about a month of swiping, I had 100 matches but I had only messaged about 1/3rd of them and hadn't gone on any dates yet. I was hanging out with my best friend and her cousin that I had never met before that day. We were laughing at posts and later the profiles of some girls I hadn't swiped yet. Then, suddenly. Cousin: "Swipe right" Me: "What?" Cousin "That's my girlfriend. Swipe right."
So I swiped right. Matched immediately. He sent a Snapchat of the match screen to her. They broke up within the hour.
And that was the day I deleted Tinder.
Photo by Alex Blăjan on Unsplash
87. You're Not What I Was Expecting
Well, it was a lonely night and I wasn't really paying attention and just swiping right to literally every photo that came up. And after a little while a match popped up that wasn't a fake profile. So I do the natural thing and look her up through our mutual friends that popped up and realize her name is different than her tinder name. And then she messaged me. We chatted for probably five minutes and then she asked if I wanted to meet her some where. I figured hell with it, what's the worst that could happen? She then tells me just to meet her at her house. I look it up and she lives about 15 minutes away from me but it a pretty bad part of town. I make the conscious decision at that point that I'm not going to be the guy with two kidneys that didn't get anything this evening. However I hedge my bets and ask if she'll just meet me at the local bar and she agrees. I get in there and find a table but aat that point I realize I have zero idea what she looks like. Shortly after I hear "Hey badger_face". When I turn to face her in slightly taken back. She's about 200 pounds bigger than she looked in her heavily edited photos and a shaved head to add to that. I wish this story has some humerus twist but it went like any other date at this point and I ended up back at her apartment and I thought if I can get a hard dick I might as well smash. I wouldn't do it again but wasn't the worst.
Photo by Luísa Schetinger on Unsplash
88. A Little Bit Too Tipsy
I was out at the bar with my friends, and a woman at a table with her friends flags me down and gets me to come over. She asks "how old are you?", I tell her I'm 28, and she tells me I look much younger. This kind of puts me off, and she doesn't appear to have anything else to add, so I go back to my friends.
Fast forward to later in the night, I'm walking home, and my phone buzzes that someone has sent me a message. My phone immediately dies, so I don't think anything of it till I get home and plug it in. I check the message, and realize it's her. We had matched on tinder, a while back, and she found me. So in my wasted state, I ask her out, she says okay, and we agree on the coming Thursday night.
So I meet her at a local bar on Thursday, and we have some drinks. She keeps mentioning she has to be up super early in the morning all while pounding Moscow mules. We end up leaving this bar, because she insists I have to try this shot that the bar down the street has. Okay. Sure. So now it gets hazy. We're walking back to my house at this point. She trips. Takes us both down. I land on my bum and start laughing. She says "I think something is wrong with my ankle". So I look down. Her foot is on sideways and the bone is sticking out of her leg. I sober up real quick. Call 911. Ambulance comes. Get her to the hospital. I sit with her till its time for surgery, and then I go home.
Check on her the next few days. Feel bad. Once she's home, she suggests I bring her ice cream. So I do. Talk with her for a bit, but after determine my obligations are done to this lady. BUT WAIT. THERES MORE. Go forward a week and I'm at the grocery store, and I get an alert that I have a message at the end of my receipt. Okay. Sure. It informs me that the brand of ice cream I bought was contaminated with Listeria. I decide I'm not gonna say anything. Just another notch in the horror story list.
3 months later, I'm out for Mardi Gras with friends, and the bartender comes over and says "the blonde at the end of the bar bought you this shot". It was her! So I go over to say hi and thanks. She's still on crutches at this point. When I get over there, she says hi, and then tears me a new asshole for not making this re-meeting perfect, and not living up to how she imagined it. At this point, I pull a homer, put down the shot and just back away and go back to my friends. So that's the worst tinder story I've gotten.
Photo by Logan Armstrong on Unsplash
89. Not Into That Kind Of Thing
When I was 21 Tinder wasn't a thing yet, but dating sites were. I scored a date with this really hot girl from Minnesota (doncha know), and agreed to go drive over to her house to pick her up later that night for dinner and drinks. When I get to her house, she pushes me down on the couch right away and starts grinding on me, and then suddenly changes moods quickly, hops up and asks where we are eating. A little weirded out by the blue balls, but I'm hungry and we did agree to dinner and drinks.
So we get a bite to eat and a few beers each, and are back at her house. She leads me to her room and we are fooling around, shirts off, and she tells me to cover my eyes. I comply, and when she tells me to open them again, she is holding a massive string of anal beads. I'm talking 10 beads, each larger than the last. The only thing I could think to ask was "are those supposed to go in me or you?". She indicated that she had anal toys enough for both of us and got very upset when I told her nothing was going in my bum. She got insanely angry about it, so I ended up just booking it out of there.
Photo by Jernej Graj on Unsplash
90. Weird Tattoo
We discussed tattoos and he told me, dead seriously that he wanted the satanic symbol as his next tattoo. He showed me a pic and I was like hmmm ok. I asked where. Where you ask? The SHAFT of his penis. He was not joking.
Photo by Megan McFadden on Unsplash
91. Body Image
Lost my virginity to a particularly large Tinderella who I then found to be a little unhinged. We had met once or twice before and had hit it off and I hadn't run into any particular red flags at that point. I decided to invite her up to my place for Ghibli movies and chill.
One thing led to another, and afterwards, Less than 10 minutes later we were cuddling and messing about various things, and somehow my goal to get below 200 lbs came up (I'd started counting calories and such at the beginning of the year when I realized I had hit 240lbs. At the time this happened I had lost 29lbs and was in the home stretch).
Immediately she started into a tirade about how obesity does not necessarily mean that one is unhealthy and that there are all these weird conspiracies surrounding the government and food industry concerning body image and whatnot. Though not necessarily one of the biggest regrets of my life, it was one of fastest I've acquired.
Photo by Austin Guhl on Unsplash
92. Doesn't Get More Cheesy
Once upon a time I matched with a girl whose bio said, "Sucker for cheesy jokes! ?." So I thought I would lay this classic baby on her, "How much does a polar bear weigh?" I guess we had a different sense of humor because her response was a little bit colder than the Ice that innocent polar bear was standing on; "Enough to break the Ice dumb***." WELL ALRIGHTY THEN
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
93. Having A Great View
I'm 24 and this was about a year ago. I'm from Boston and live downtown right now and got matched with this lady visiting from France. She's blonde, like 32, pretty hot, so why not? I go meet her at one of the nicest hotels in Boston, we have a really expensive fancy dinner (she paid), then we go up to the top floor suite. The room was unreal and had a lot of different rooms and hallways. We go to a bedroom and sit on the bed. Forgot to mention she hardly speaks English, so we're not talking much, about to start hooking up. I then hear a door open and close and footsteps coming down the hallway. This short, fat guy walks in the bedroom with makeup caked all over his face, bright-red lipstick smeared all over his lips, wearing a white bathrobe. He sits down on the couch facing the bed. I didn't know what the heck was going on and was obviously pretty nervous at this point. I asked her what was going on, and in broken English, she told me that was her friend that recently transitioned and she wants to have the friend watch us have sex. I ended up leaving.
94. Bearded Bully
Two years ago, I was on Tinder and matched with a guy. He was good looking and we planned to go on a first date. We never had a first date as I ended up falling for a friend and deleted my account, but before that got heaps of abusive messages from Tinder guy. Fast forward to now, been single for 9 months and decided to get Tinder again. Matched with a guy and decided to go on a date. Met him and he proceeded to tell me what a horrible person I am for rejecting him and then later sent more abusive messages. Yep, it was the guy I matched with 2 years ago. He changed his name and grew a beard just to meet me and let me know how horrible I am. Still cringe every time I think about it.
95. Handing Her Off
This girl hit me up and we ended up going out to a club with her and her roommates who were all male and way older than her. In the middle of the date, she started getting frisky with one of her roommates. This was after she and I had made out for a bit, too. I walked out to the porch with some drinks for everyone and caught her sitting on his lap, which I thought was strange but I was wasted enough to let it slide. Then later she all of the sudden started holding hands with the guy. When I asked what was up with that, the roomie went, "Oh, don't worry about it, we're just friends, this doesn't mean anything."
I was pretty wasted at this point, so I think I just mumbled something and walked off without even saying goodbye. First and last Tinder date for me. It still weirds me out when I think about it.
96. Got stuck
We met up for a quick drink. She was cute and seemed normal so we went back to her place. We made out for a while on the couch, then she invited me into her bedroom. She took my shirt off and asked if she could blindfold me. That’s not really my thing but I said sure. I was blinded and she was kissing me when I suddenly felt a sharp stabbing pain in my side. I cried out. “Does that feel good, baby?” she asked. I said NO and ripped the blindfold off. When I saw what she’d done to me I nearly fainted.
Apparently she was into something called 'knife play'. She had cut me open and I was bleeding. I ran out of there, didn't even collect my shirt.
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