Animals are fascinating creatures, in part because we haven't quite figured out how to fully understand them. The more we get to know them, we realize they are much more like us than we originally thought. They care about each other, they often care about us, and they find ways to make life more enjoyable every chance they get. They even find ways to utilize our technology. Still, it always seems to leave us in shock and awe when they express just how intelligent they really are.

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72. You Played Yourself

My roommate's dog. We were taking care of another dog for a few days and he was staying at our house. They got along well enough, but visitor dog kept trying to play and resident dog never wanted to.

One evening, resident dog walks into the living room to find visitor dog is in her favorite spot on the couch. She immediately barks, drops into a play bow, and starts jumping around to play with him. Visitor dog gets super excited that she finally wants to play and abandons the couch.

Resident dog drops the playacting and reclaims her rightful throne.

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71. It's A Shoe-In

My golden retriever leaves a shoe on the bed, without fail, for my wife or I to find if we are both gone at the same time. My theory is that she did it once, and we came home, so now she does it every time we leave to ensure that we come back. Like a doggy superstition.

After doing this for years, my wife had to leave the state for a week. On my first day back from work, there was a shoe on the bed. Normal. After my second day back (wife is still gone), there were three shoes on the bed. After my third day returning from work alone, every shoe and boot in the house was laid out on the bed and couches, and all of my wife's dirty socks were in a bowl.

It may not be the smartest thing she's ever done, but it really made me think about how she thinks.

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70. Just Keep Swimming

I have a blood parrot, smartest fish I've ever had. His tank contains half sand and half white pebbles. However, he's very particular with where and how the floor of his environment looks like. For example, he'll move plants towards certain places if he doesn't like how the ground looks beneath them. He'll place pebbles on the sand part, and make a sand pile in the pebbles area.

But it isn't random: if you remove a pebble from a little pile, he'll notice it and place another one. If you distort a little sandpile, he'll build more on top of the remains.

He'll spend about three days carving out a small hole just to see his reflection at the bottom of the tank. If you lightly dusty the empty space with sand, he'll come swimming out of his 'house,' collect the misplaced sand in his mouth, and literally throw it at you against the aquarium glass.

He's a very grumpy fish, but his personality is amazing!

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69. Border Collies Are Brilliant

Our border collie/Weimaraner mix knocks on the door when she wants to go outside or come inside. We never taught her to do this, she just started doing it on her own and I guess she picked up that when she does it we open the door for her.

She can also be given left/right/forward/back/dig directions. We will hide something in the yard and she'll find it. She knows it's a game and will run a ways, look back, we will shout the direction and she takes off the way we tell her. It usually only takes a few minutes for her to find the prize.

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68. A Rude Awakening

One time my dog had a minor blockage and we took him to the emergency vet to see what we could do. The vet decided to give him some fluids to try to flush it out. Later that night he woke me up by punching me in the face and looked deeply into my eyes as if to say “this is going to be a photo finish.” Let him outside and he let out the biggest poop I had ever witnessed him take. Thanks for not doing that in the house buddy.

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67. Help, I've Escaped

My dog got out of the yard one time when we weren’t home. He went to my parents' house that’s about a half a mile away and started scratching on the door for my dad.

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66. They're Smarter Than We Think

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65. Fire Fighting Cat

The cat would not let me go to sleep and insisted I follow her to the kitchen. We had just gotten a new stove with a glass cooktop and didn't realize one of the burners was still on very low. Thanks, kitty.

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64. EMS Dog

We have smooth wood floors that can be kind of slippery in socks. One night I took a corner too fast, slipped, and went down hard. I wasn't hurt, just sorta stunned so I just stayed on the floor for a second (I was belly-side down, but propped up on my elbow). When I didn't get up right away, my dog leaped over the couch to get to me, wiggled her body under mine then stood up, so that she was kind of lifting my body up on hers. I'm not sure if it was at all her intention, but I like to think she was trying to help me. As soon as I got up on my own, she proceeded to tackle me and frantically lick my face in celebration.

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63. The Cat Referee

The smartest thing I've seen my cat do is referee when my girlfriend's kitten was trying to fight her older cat. We were initially terrified because my cat was found as a stray and you can tell that he's had his butt kicked in a few fights back in the day.

When we adopted him, when he'd hear the other cats start play fighting, he'd rush out to be there too. He weighed about twice as much as the next biggest cat, and we knew almost nothing about his personality at the time, so of course, this filled us with terror. Well, we followed him out into the next room, and he had just managed to perch himself on the coffee table, above the action, and was just watching.

When the older cat switched from playing to getting genuinely exasperated with the kitten, he tagged in so the other cat could get away. For months he would do this, so we figured he may have helped raise kittens when he was stray.

Anyway, his personality is great, and he's a sweet dumb boy and the best lap cat you could ask for. The vet at the shelter thought he would want to be an outside cat, but once we got him home it was very plain that that was not the case. I could leave the door open all day and he wouldn't go anywhere; this cat has no interest in being outdoors again.

I'm babbling but the point is I love this dumb boi.

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62. Dog Pharmaceuticals

When my son was a baby, he was teething really bad. Constantly running a fever and cranky. we gave him lots of the Tylenol suspension drops. One morning I had the baby wedged in the recliner while I was looking for something. Of course, he was crying. Our dog looked at the baby, ran upstairs, came back down a few seconds later with the Tylenol, dropped it in the recliner where it rolled to the baby. Then the dog turned to me and barked until I picked it up.

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61. The Pencil Nest

My male quaker parrot managed to get out of his cage one day and had free reign over the entire house. He stole every pen, pencil, and hair tie he could find and built a nest in the corner of his cage.

When we tried to take it down he guarded it with his life and screeched at us. We got him a few boxes of pencils the next day and let him remodel as much as he wanted.

Honestly, he loved building it and fixing it up, it kept him busy and happy.

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60. The Difference Between Friend And Food

I had a cat in Alaska that I guess qualifies as a birder? She was a rescue who was declawed, had a bell around her neck, and we did everything we could to get her to stop bringing wounded birds in the house, nothing worked. She once brought a freaking RAVEN. This declawed, belled cat downed a RAVEN with nothing but couple nonscarring scratches to her. (Took her to the vet anyway, in case there was some puncture we couldn't find).

We then got a pet rat. The cat loved him. They would play chase each other all around the house when we let the rat out of his cage, best of friends. When my Cat was chomped on by some massive dog we found her under a neighbors porch, and her neck was completely exposed flesh. When she was stable, we brought Scat the Rat in to see her and he just went up to her, curled up on her and groomed her. The most adorable thing I'd ever seen, if only it didn't involve my cat almost dying.

It's weird how easily they seem to tell the difference between prey and friend.

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59. Brody Invents A Game

My Golden Retriever Brody has created a game, we call it Brody-Ball. Basically he gets a tennis ball between his paws while he’s laying on the couch or bed and slowly starts to nudge it towards the edge. Once it gets to a point where it’s balancing, he tries to stay perfectly still until it starts to fall. Once it starts to fall he either wins by snagging the ball before it falls to the ground, or he loses, by failing to catch it and it falling off the couch/bed.

I think he just did this to counteract the boredom he had when he was a lonely pup.

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58. Who's A Pretty Bird?

I've got an African Grey parrot. I also have a large mirror that leans against a wall. He once walked up to it, studied the other bird intensely after fluffing up and acting like a tough guy. Then he decided to look behind the mirror for the other bird. Except you could see the confusion when he popped his head behind there only to see nothing.

He then looked at me as if I caused this black magic. Then he proceeded to walk behind the mirror and poke his head around so he could look into the mirror while standing behind it. He then looked at me quizzically, studied the mirror, popped his head behind it, popped it back out to confirm, then just walked away.

Now, he seems to check himself out in the mirror every time he waddles past it. I swear he knows it's him in the mirror and not just that particular one. If he's in the bathroom with me, he acts the same and appears to be studying himself whenever he gets the chance.

Knowing that the reflection in a mirror is you is one of the rare abilities in the animal kingdom and one which few animals possess the required intelligence to understand. Dolphins, pigs, some of the higher level primates. That's about it. Most other animals can't put the connection together.

He also used to taunt the cat and get him to jump on top of the bird's cage. Then he'd yell for us so we'd grab the cat and scold him. Then the bird would laugh. Happened until the cat learned not to jump on top of the cage. Now, he's scared of the bird and will turn around if he sees the bird walking towards him.

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57. That's So Raven

I spend a lot of time in the local mountains, and had summited one of the higher peaks enough times to establish a bit of a relationship with the ravens that lived on it. One summer, I was up there on a day that turned out to be much hotter than forecasted, and one of the ravens approached me like usual, but this time came right next to me as I drank from my bottle and threw his head back, beak open, mimicking the chugging motion. I asked if he wanted some, he croaked in agreement, so I poured some in my hand and held it out. That was still a little too close for comfort for him, so he walked away, and proceeded to walk around and inspect the surface of all of the rock until he found a large enough indent to hold some water. He croaked at me and pecked at the spot for me to pour some in, drank it up, and then walked back and bobbed his head happily before flying away. I've always known how intelligent they are, but it still strikes me how human their interactions can be!

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56. Santa's Little Helper

I was setting up my Christmas tree and was putting up the ball ornaments. They were in a box by the tree.

My dog came by and tried to take some of the balls. I said that she couldn't, they were for the tree, and did the "no" sign with my hands and pointed at the balls and then at the tree as I said it.

She went on her way and a few minutes later she came back with her little play ball. She put her little play ball in the box along with the other ornaments and pushes the box towards me.

Then she laid with her belly up expecting belly rubs.

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55. Fishing Like A Pro

Once, when feeding bread to ducks (I know, I know, this was a while back and we know better now), a heron came up, took some bread, threw it in the water, and grabbed the fish that came up to eat the bread.

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54. A Living Doorbell

I had a cat that somehow knew when I switched off my cochlear implants. Whenever my doorbell would ring, she'd come up to me where I could see her meow at me.

Then she'd walk up to the door looking back to see if I was following her.

I never taught her that.

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53. True Decisiveness

Whenever I let my dog dictate the walk (the 'go sniff' command, where I let her lead and give the full extent of the leash), she will walk me to the local pet store 100% of the time.

Colors in Bucharest

52. This Parrot Is Fancy

I have a Senegal parrot, and if I put a plastic bottle cap in his cage, he’ll put it in his beak, scoop it full of water out of his water dish, and then sit on his perch and hold it in one claw and sip out of it like it’s a cup of coffee.

I have no idea where he learned this!

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51. Turn That Thing Off Already

My mom was in her bedroom reading one night and her cell phone started ringing in the other room. Our dog, totally of her own accord, got up, went into the other room, picked up my mom's ringing phone, brought it back to the bedroom, and dropped it in her lap.

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50. Charlie’s Long Con

I had a pet Sun Conure a little while back. Wasn't sure if it was a boy or girl, as I never got it checked, but I named it Charlie and generally referred to him as him. For some reason, Charlie hated women. Perfectly fine with all dudes, but would basically do the bird version of a growl any time a girl came too close.

My girlfriend of the time was desperate for Charlie to like her, and for the first year of our relationship he generally acted towards her the same way that he acted towards all women. Then one fateful day, we were sitting next to each other on the couch with Charlie on my shoulder. Charlie crawled his way down to my knee and did a little head bob and chirp that I generally associated with him being in a good mood. He then hopped onto my girlfriends knee and continued his displays of contentment. Head bopping, chirping, grooming, etc. Over the course of the next hour, he would move up my girls legs and torso and find a new perch and continue to be his jolly little self. My girlfriend was paralyzed with excitement that Charlie was finally coming to accept her. Eventually he made his way to her shoulder and, again, sat there being happy. My girlfriend is staring at me overjoyed. Then, out of nowhere, Charlie turns and bites her face as hard as he can, and immediately launches himself across the room to perch on our cabinet high up.

He had meticulously planned tricking the girlfriend just to get close enough to bite her face. I'd like to think that was his thought process anyway.

Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash

49. Today I learned dogs can smell how thick ice is

I was crossing a huge frozen river in the winter. The ice was about 1.5 foot in thickness, but some areas had low density.

It was my dog, myself, my friend, and my friends dog. My friend crossed first and had one of her legs break through the less dense ice, but she made it. I then watched her dog cross very nervously and carefully in roughly the same path and not crack the ice.

Then came my turn. I actually sent my dog to go first. He sniffs the ground and goes to cross, but he takes this weird-scribbly path instead of going just straight. I ended up following him and noticed that the ice was the most dense there. I crossed without a problem.

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48. I Just Really Missed You

I lived in the same apartment complex as my friend, but in different buildings. I lived on the first floor, he lived on the second. The buildings were designed so that you had to open a door to go inside to the central hall, where the front doors of the individual apartments were located. Additionally, the apartments had glass patio doors, which had hanging blinds.

So my friend brought his cat over to my apartment one time, carried the cat from his building, across the parking lot, into my building, and through the front door. And then later carried him back home. That was the only time the cat was ever in my place.

Some time later, his cat managed to get outside, presumably because my friend is a bit of an idiot. I didn't know this, but I started hearing a weird squeaking noise, and in trying to track it down I moved the blinds on the patio door to look outside. There was his cat, pawing at the glass door, who somehow figured out how to find my apartment from the outside, despite the fact that he couldn't even see in, or had ever been through the patio door.

Photo by KiVEN Zhao on Unsplash

47. And That’s Why They Are Called “Retrievers”

When I was about 10, I was swimming at the beach in NC and got pulled out by the riptide. I was swimming mightily, but losing the battle and was rapidly being pulled out to sea while being simultaneously dragged further down the beach. I remember screaming for help as my arms started to fail from exhaustion and I was struggling hard to keep my head above water.

I remember seeing my mom running down the beach from one direction yelling for me while a stranger was running from the other direction, alerted by my cries. I was panicking at this point, my mom seemed so far away that I knew she wasn't going to make it. About the time my ten year old brain goes "and this is how you die", I hear splashing. I turn my head and there is our faithful dog, a golden retriever. Apparently she had heard me screaming earlier than the humans and had started swimming to me. I just hadn't noticed her due to the waves and my panic. I grabbed her collar and she towed me back to shore. I promptly collapsed, crying and exhausted in my mother's arms, but alive thanks to my dog. 25 years later and I've had several dogs since that old girl, but no other has been able to hold a candle to her.

Photo by Caleb Fisher on Unsplash

46. That Will Teach You For Taking My Spot

My Jack Russell would come into the living room, see our large mutt dog in the prime laying area, calmly walk over to the door and ask to go out. Large dog would leap up and run excitedly to the door. Jack Russell would wait for a human to head to the door and ask out again, all the while the large goofball was getting more excited. Someone would open the door, large dog would barrel out and bound around the yard before looking back at the door where the Jack Russell would stand long enough to make eye contact with him before smugly walking over to the prime laying area and kicking her feet out behind her to relax. If the mutt came back in he would go stand by her and just look heart broken before going somewhere else to lay.

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45. I’ll Take Cat Sense Over Spider Sense Any Day.

I had a cat that was very shy and peaceful. He never bit or scratched anyone except one time. I woke up in pain. He was biting me hard and scratching me with all his strength. As soon as I woke up he stopped, looked at me and ran away from me. I was curious and kinda upset so I followed him to my brother's room where he was getting ready to go to work. He saw me and then... he fell to the floor in an epilepsy attack. That's why my cat woke me up.

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44. Teamwork Makes The Dream Work

Uncle and Aunt used to shut their cat and dog in the bathroom at night. Every morning they would be roaming the house getting into everything they weren't supposed to be doing.

Finally my Uncle got sick of this and slept in the tub one night. Around 1 am he woke up to a sound and witnessed the cat jump from the counter to hang on the door knob. The dog would then swing the cat back and forth with its snout until the latch clicked and the door was able to be pushed open. To this day best example of animal teamwork I have ever heard.

Photo by Alexis Chloe on Unsplash

43. Big Guy’s Big Job

Several years ago I had a cat named Big Guy (he's since gone to kitty heaven after living a full kitty life). We also had a cat named Skitty.

My husband bought a 3 piece meal from KFC. He sat at his desk, while Big Guy and Skitty sat side by side a couple feet away watching him intently. He ate a piece, then got up to get a drink. It was just a brief amount of time, but when he came back he only had one piece of chicken left. The mind blowing part is that both cats were sitting next to each other, in the same position they were in when he got up.

A bit later I saw some movement behind the living room drapes. It was Big Guy, chowing down on the stolen piece of chicken. This cat snagged a piece, hid it for later, then rejoined the ever clueless Skitty to look innocent.

He had pretty much finished it by the time I noticed him, so he was well rewarded for his cunning. I still remind my husband that Big Guy successfully outwitted him. I really miss both of those cats.

Photo by Nathalie Jolie on Unsplash

 

42. Rats Are Basically Tiny Dogs

When it was cold out and my bare feet were exposed, my rat would drag a blanket over my feet, aggressively tuck it in all around the edges, then fall asleep on top. I didn't train him to do it, he just figured it out. I'm not saying he was a smart rat, just very kind.

Most social animals will play fight for fun, and if one animal loses all the time, the winner lets the other animal win a percentage of times (usually around 30%) to keep them wanting to play in the future. My rat would intentionally and dramatically lose fights to a toy stuffed mouse so it would want to play with him in the future. He also lost fights to paper towels.

Most animals also have a "safe word" for play fighting which means "please stop". With rats it's a certain type of squeak. A short quiet squeak means "please slow down and don't be so rough" while a long loud squeak means "Ouch! Stop now!" For some reason the same rat was really into gently biting noses. My girlfriend was annoyed at this, so I told her to just squeak at him and he'd stop. She said it didn't work, he just paused, looked at her, then much more slowly and gently did it again. She squeaked again, and this time he looked her in the face for a long time, then went even slower and more gentle. This kept happening, with the bites becoming comically slow. I asked her to squeak so I could see what was happening. She was accidentally using the squeak for "please slow down and don't be so rough" instead of the right one. He did it again and I used the "Ouch! Stop now!" squeak. He startled and looked at me shocked, then ran over to her to give her kisses, and didn't bite her anymore on the nose.

41. There’s A Pun Here Somewhere

So everyone was in bed and I woke up to some weird noise. I went into the lounge where the computer was and saw my cat sitting on the computer chair, with the computer and printer on, just printing paper away. I walked up to her and I swear she freaked out and ran off like I caught her watching compromising videos. Also no one else was up so I don’t know how it happened.

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40. Clever Girl

A group of seagulls walked towards me and distracted me while another one swoops in from behind and hits me in the back of the head causing me to spill my fries for the entire squad to feast.

Photo by Holger Link on Unsplash

39. A Feast For Crows

My buddy lived on a sailboat at a marina. He had some local crows trained to clean the dock for him every morning. His slip was at the end of the dock and a local otter would leave crab shells and other shellfish shells on the dock every night. After trying all sorts of methods to keep the otter away he started feeding local crows peanuts. He would sit at the cockpit and toss a peanut or two on the dock. The crows would come down grab the food and fly to a nearby vantage to eat it. They would patiently wait every morning as he drank his coffee to get some peanuts. Once he had that association with the crows worked out he would get up and clear the shells off the dock before tossing a peanut. It took about two weeks before the crows would have the dock cleaned off before he came topside in the morning.

Photo by Qurratul Ayin Sadia on Unsplash

38. Anything For Some Table Scraps

Growing up we had three cats, two sisters and a stray boy. My girl cat was notorious for dropping horrific stench bombs in the litter box and leaving them uncovered. The litter box was in the bathroom right off of our dining room. One night she does this in the middle of dinner. Our boy cat was a beggar, so he was sitting right by the table. My mom looked at him and said, "Go in there and cover that up,". He promptly got up, ran into the bathroom and covered up her mess. My parents and I were dumbfounded for a moment.

Photo by Chen Yi Wen on Unsplash

37. Pranked!

I had this mutt beagle mix. One time I was making a sandwich, and he was begging for food, I promptly told him to go away. With a defeated look in his eye, he starts to walk away. All of a sudden his ears pop up and he starts barking at the door and sits in front of it. He always did this if someone was at the door. I put my sandwich on the counter and go to the door to unlock it. Once I get to the door he bolts across the room, jumps on the counter grabs the sandwich and runs and hides.

I wasn't even that mad I was impressed

Photo by Marcus Wallis on Unsplash

36. Science Cat, Science cat, Friendly Neighbourhood Science Cat

I have a weirdly intelligent cat who I’ve seen perform experiments.

We have an automatic litter box on a timer and every time it triggers she runs over to watch it and stare into it. Fair enough, right?

But recently she’s started “testing” it. She’ll just put a paw in, back out and watch for five minutes. Or she’ll go in and stand there and not use the litter, then leap out and watch. She threw a toy in once. Maybe I’m just anthropomorphizing her but it sure as heck seems like she’s testing the conditions for the rake to trigger, and it’s fascinating.

Meanwhile her sister walks into walls, desperately claws at the side of an open-top laundry basket begging to be let in, and keeps getting stuck behind cabinets, but hey. They can’t all be geniuses.

Photo by Raul Varzar on Unsplash

35. If Only It Was Always That Easy

I had a blue-crowned conure that would say "I want out" when he wanted out of his cage. It was the first thing he said. He wouldn't let us stick our hand in the cage, so I sat on the couch every night and said "I want out" until he said it. When he did, I opened his cage and let him come out on his own. After that he said it every time he wanted out. He loved beer too. Every time I opened a beer I'd say "Mmmm, beer". I'd let it dribble out of the corner of my mouth and he'd drink it. So when ever I opened a beer, he'd say "Mmmm, beer", and climb on my shoulder for sips. He had a big vocabulary for a conure.

When he'd see me pick up my keys he'd say "Bye bye, be a good boy".

Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash

34. Be A Jerk To The Dog, The Dog Will Be A Jerk To You

I had a roommate who was a jerk to my dog. He would regularly walk by the dog and without warning, jump at him and yell.

One day said dog was lying by the front door when my roommate came home. The dog got up, walked into the kitchen and hid to the side of the doorway.

He waited for my roommate to walk in and then jumped out from behind the door and barked at him, scaring my roommate.

Good boy.

Photo by alan King on Unsplash

33. I Need A Mail Cat

Our cat - a big Maine Coon - delivers the mail from the letter slot to where I'm sitting.

He grabs each piece of incoming mail in his teeth and proudly delivers it. If it's heavier, he bats it with his paws until every piece arrives at my chair.

(If there's a piece that just too big, he sits at my feet, looking up, and "MROW's" to notify me that there's something else at the door that "requires human attention.")

Photo by Mikhail Vasilyev on Unsplash

32. But They Are Crows, Not Chickens

While unintelligent in action, it takes some kind of intelligence for an animal to know how to “play games”. I witnessed two crows perched up on the light post outside my house playing what I can only describe as a “game of chicken”. They both would jump off the light post simultaneously and free fall towards the ground, and fly off at the very last second. My guess is whoever got closer to the ground won that round but who knows. Well, on one of their attempts, one of the crows waited too long and smacked right into the ground lol. It got up and flew back to the top of the pole, but to this day it’s the funniest damn thing I’ve ever witnessed, and it was one of those things I wouldn’t have believed if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes.

Photo by Samuel Zeller on Unsplash

31. Dip, Baby, Dip

I saw a crow throwing a piece of stale, hard bread in a puddle. He waited a few seconds, and then ate the soggy bread.

I was watching a pair of magpies and my neighbor's cat interact in my garden last week. One magpie was in front of the cat pecking at the grass and one was behind doing the same. Every so often after the cat's attention was on the one in front, the one behind would nip at the cat's tail and jump away, and then feign pecking at the grass again. They kept this up for over half an hour. The cat got fed up and wandered off. It didn't even try to catch them.

A raccoon used psychological warfare against me and almost won. A raccoon found its way in to my pool somehow. There were no tears in the screening or anything, so I have no idea how he got there. But when I went outside to kick him out, I opened the screen door to the outside and told him to go away, and he just stared at me. He was not fearful or aggressive, just... disappointed? I finally got a broom and sort of scooped him towards the door. About halfway there, he stopped for a moment and glanced over his shoulder at me, like maybe I’d have a change of heart, before he finally left. Then I started questioning myself. Should I have let him stay? He wasn’t hurting anyone. And he looked so sad!

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25. Real Monkey Business

There are monkeys roaming around free in certain parts of India. My family and I went to some tourist spots to explore. When we got there, a food cart guy said “make sure you take your sunglasses off or the monkeys will take them." We laughed it off.

Well, we were taking a selfie, and next thing you know, monkeys appeared and they took my sunglasses off my face, and another slipped the phone right out of my brother's hand! Then they kept making noises, and we were freaking out because we wanted our stuff back obviously and it was just a scary scenario.

Then, a local passing by said, "you better give him food if you want your stuff back," and we laughed it off no more. So we ran to the closest food cart, bought some snacks (peanuts I think it was), and the local said, "now give him the food." So as I extended the food, the monkey extended his hand with my sunglasses and then took the food while returning my sunglasses (and my brother's iPhone) before heading out.

That was the craziest five minutes of my life that I’m still trying to process.

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24. Exterminators