"You can run on for a long time... sooner or later God'll cut you down." - Johnny Cash
Sometimes, as it happens, God cuts you down right away when you do something rotten -- or rewards you right away when you do something kind. In India, this recompense for your deeds, good or ill, is called karma. And it's especially satisfying when it happens immediately.
These folks recently went online to share their best 'instant karma' stories. Pay it forward!
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40. Not all instant karma is bad
Today, my son and I went to Wal-Mart to get a new game for his DS. We got to the cash register I noticed the woman in front of me was upset. Her card had been declined and she was purchasing baby formula. My son is fascinated with babies so he was talking to the woman about her little girl. He put the game down and handed her his money and said, "Your baby needs food more than I need Plants Vs. Zombies." My heart swelled at this, so I got the game anyway.
Well, as we were walking out, a lady approached us and said she saw what he did and gave him an envelope and said open it when you get home. When we got home, there was a $100 bill and a note that said, "You deserve this young man!"
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39. Brush off your shoulders
My dad told me this story.
He was driving back from the shore when traffic got really bad. About a mile ahead, there was an accident that had brought traffic to a crawl. Stuff happens, my dad decides to be patient about it. Others weren’t so patient. People began driving on the shoulder in order to get ahead of the traffic. This ticks my dad off. We all know how this goes. We do the right thing and are punished for it, where as these jerks are skipping in front traffic and will probably get away with it. He thought about following this stream of cars onto the shoulder, but he decided he’d do the right thing and wait.
As he got closer he saw two cops in a parking lot. One cop was directing all of the shoulder drivers into the parking lot, while the other wrote all of those drivers tickets. He describes it as one of the most satisfying things he’s ever seen.
38. Curiosity gets the dog too
My dog tried to eat my sushi while I was away from the table for a second. I came back to missing wasabi and a disgusted-looking dog.
37. A tale of two wallets
Happened while visiting NY. I watched someone bend down to pick up a wallet someone ahead of them had just dropped. All of this was going down in the crosswalk and I was in the passenger seat with my dad driving. Guy A who picked up the wallet began to run it to Guy B who was already across the street and while doing so, his wallet fell out of his pocket and on the sidewalk/crosswalk area.
Some crappy dude in the bike lane rode up a little ways ahead, bent down, and picked it up and just started heading off. Just grabbed it and began to ride away like a bunch of cars hadn’t just watched him. My dad was about to say something when a cop car adjacent to us swerved in front of cycler and made him give it back. Cycler bumped into the cop car and was trying to go around when he was tackled. I think they might’ve arrested him but the light changed so we couldn’t stick around.
Coolest instant karma I’ve ever seen.
36. Up to scratch
I was working in a supermarket when panicked customer A came up to me and said he'd accidentally left his cash in the ATM and had anyone handed it in. I was about to say no when customer B appeared behind him and said he'd been trying to catch up to him - he'd been queuing behind him at the ATM and saw what happened, so he'd got the money for him. It was $200 so a decent amount. Customer A was super grateful and offered him some of the money but he wouldn't take it. Customer B then bought a scratch card, scratched it, and found he'd won $5. Not a whopping amount of karma, but karma nonetheless!
35. Who's laughing now?
I banged my knee on the corner of our hotel bed and my husband was laughing his butt off while he was brushing his teeth in the bathroom. As soon as he walked out of the bathroom, his hit his knee the exact same way and I got to laugh my butt off.
34. "Helping people is for losers!"
My boyfriend has a big GMC. One winter day it was really snowy and a bunch of cars had gone into the ditch, as ya do.
Because he's a nice guy, he was spending his day off pulling people out for free. At one point, while he was helping someone, some jerkwad FLEW by him, wailing on the horn and flipping him off out the window.
My boyfriend got done pulling the car out and headed up the road in the direction that jerk had gone. A mile up the road, they found him standing outside of his car, which was now plowed into a giant freaking tree.
Boyfriend honked his horn, waved, and kept driving. Dude just hung his head like a scolded dog.
Truly beautiful.
33. Phone a friend
This dumb kid in middle school kept trying to steal my cellphone (it was a cheap flip phone, but he'd do it just to tick me off). Our school had a rule that you couldn't have your phone out in class. Teacher left the classroom for a second to have a brief word with an administrator, so this idiot kid grabbed my phone. Teacher came back in a moment later and caught him red-handed with (my) phone out. She wouldn't believe it wasn't his phone. He got detention.
32. I'd rather be a princess
I worked at a grocery store. I was stocking Instant Noodles on a big sale display. All I had was a cheap small step 2 step stool, you know the one with the bar that runs across the top step? Reaching down to the stool from the shelf I was standing on, was about 3 feet .I had a 60% chance my foot would land on the top bar and collapse the thing. I asked a coworker to use his shoulder as a handle as I got down. My supervisor called me a “princess” for getting assistance.
Soon after he was stocking the 2-Liter Coke bottles on a sales display. He tried to get down. He took the 40% success rate jump onto the step. Hit the top bar.The step ladder collapsed. He broke his arm and took down half of the display. I just clocked out and left before they told me to clean up the spilled soda all over the place.
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31. Live by the lunch, die by the lunch
Not instant, but karma nonetheless. My dad kept getting his lunch stolen at work one day, so he got my mother to get the spiciest hot sauce on the market to put on the sandwich, lo and behold, the guy who stole it was looking red as a hot iron.
They fired the guy and my dad got to eat his lunch again.
30. Not instant, but pretty quick
That time I had my SHOES stolen! I was 17. Went to a party where there were kids from two different high schools. When I went inside I took off my brand new Nike Air Mada shoes that I had just bought for $140. Hours later, when I went to leave, my shoes were gone.
We had an idea of who took them (a guy from the other school) but didn’t have proof. I was so sad and so embarrassed. I had to drive home in my socks. Long story short ... a week later, Monica (the girl who threw the party) shows up on my doorstep holding something behind her back.
Turns out she went to a party and saw the guy who stole my shoes - wearing them! When he took them off after a smoke break she snagged them! Now, standing in front of me she reveals my Nikes!!! She told me the best part was watching him look for them (just like I had) and then leave in his socks!
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29. You played yourself
This jagoff I knew in high school was trying to get a mentally challenged kid to do stunts in a very nasty cruel way behind the gym so he could videotape it.
Special kid is not dumb enough to play this game, so the bully decides to get him to hold the camera. People are heckling and calling out suggestions, nothing interesting happens. Then someone comes out with a basketball, puts it on the concrete sidewalk, then hands bully an aluminium baseball bat and mimes hitting the basketball, like splitting a log with an axe.
The bully winds up, brings it down and i hear blaWHANK. Suddenly, his head is shooting back, blood everywhere. Bat clatters like 20 feet behind him and he goes down backwards.
Turns out the bat bounced off the ball, nailed him in the eyebrow, split it open, and knocked him right out. He was okay, but had a scar and a heck of a black eye for a few weeks.
And the whole time the mentally handicapped kid he'd been trying to humiliate on camera was filming and laughing so freaking hard he was crying. Security didn't believe no-one hit the bully till he showed them the video.
28. Catch me if you can
I'm in the NYC subway. A guy elbows me out of the way to get into the turnstile first yelling vaguely that he "has a train to catch." (Oh yeah, you're the only one.)
Through the turnstile, turn the corner and there are a few cops set up near a folding table and he gets pulled to have his bag searched.
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27. Cops are rocket fuel for instant karma
Used to commute to DC from 40 miles away. Driving home one evening, this dude decides he MUST merge into my lane NOW. Beeping and all, he pushes me off the road.
The car behind me was a cop. As soon as I was on the shoulder, lights and sirens went on and the dude was pulled over.
26. One way, or the no fun way
I was nearly hit by a cyclist who was going the wrong way down a one way street.
While he was screaming at me for not looking where I was going (because I'd only checked traffic in the direction it was supposed to go!) he cycled into the front of a car going the correct direction.
25. Knot what you expected
In the UK, kids wear blazers and ties to school and a common bullying tactic that jerks used was to run up to kids, pull their ties so they get really tightly knotted.
On the bus home, the bus was really full, and I was standing in front of one such bully. He grabbed my tie JUST as the bus had to break sharply. He lost his footing and the only thing keeping him upright was the fact that he was holding my tie.
Turns out he had grabbed the wrong bit, it wasn't knotted, I simply untied it, he fell on his bum. That was the last time I was knotted.
24. Kick the dog
A guy kicked a dog and ran full speed into a brick wall as the dog chased him.
23. You mother trucker
Negative experience: Well, it wasn't negative for me.....
I was coming on to a freeway with my big rig, signaling and smoothly switching lanes while keeping half an eye on a car behind me that had been crowding me pretty hard. It was raining. As soon as he hit the merge ramp that he happened to be following me up, he gunned it in an attempt to pass me -- cutting into the no-drive zone (clearly marked as such).
Problem being: My cab is 60' ahead of him. I'm already legally merging, and 50% of my whole rig already occupies the lane he wants. I guess if you have your head in your rear end, it's easy to assume that the truck in front of you consists of nothing more than just the final 10' of the trailer. I don't know why, but this dude (and it's almost always a dude that does this) FLIPS OUT. He screeches so hard back into his lane that I can literally feel the road tremble. He's blaring his horn, flashing his lights -- and I'm just cruising, calm as you please.
I watch traffic in my drive-side mirror and when I see a break, I suspect what's coming.... Yep. He jerks in to the left lane, floors it, gets beside my cab honking the whole way. He swerves at me. (It's wet out, I do not react. Too dangerous.) And then he cuts me off.
Here's the delicious surprise: He jerks into place in front of me, jams his brakes and just totally loses control of his vehicle. It is suddenly going sideways at 45mph. I'm nowhere near him, having already slowed. As I watch, his car continues to spin until it's facing me, then it whips back forward while heading straight into the ditch, where it plows earth like a farm tool. In front of all of us there on the freeway.
I'm stopped, the left lane has stopped and we're just watching as this guy slowly gets out of his car, which looks pretty damaged -- or at least really stuck. I see that other drivers are getting out to render aid, and some are on their phones.... So I just gear up outta there nice and calm. Insta-karma. Felt awesome.
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22. This is a sweet one
A few years ago, my infant son couldn't sleep, so we walked out to my local supermarket to get some basics and blow off steam. I look terrible: Sleep deprived, grumpy, disheveled and bedraggled. Yes, just like any other new parent. My son was in a sling on my belly.
I don't remember what I was purchasing, but as I was checking out, the woman behind me stepped forward and said: "Please let me pay for this. I've always wanted to help out like this." Now, I was actually pretty well off, despite my appearance -- but she wanted this, and I didn't have very much to buy so I graciously thanked her and walked out, both of us smiling.
Was a beautiful night, my son was finally asleep so I just loitered and eventually noticed someone trying in vain to start a car.
Yep -- it was the lovely young woman who "helped" me out. I'm a decent mechanic, happened to be toting a multi-tool around with me, and it was a fast and easy thing to get her running. Felt awesome.
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21. All the way down
Back in high school I was kind of being a jerk to a girl I was friends with. Nothing too bad, just some friendly teasing, but still. Then I turned around and fell down a flight of stairs. Even mid fall the karma and the justice did not escape me. We both found it pretty funny.
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20. Bloody stool
Dumb guy at the bar started yelling at the bartender for cutting him off. Called her all kinds of terrible names and then tried to scoot his bar stool back. Instead it caught on the carpet and he fell backwards like a tree falling. It made a very audible thud and of course, everyone stops what they're doing to look. He laid there for a minute, got up and stumbled to the door as everyone continued to stare at him. Definitely never saw him again.
19. To err is human
At a job as a mechanic I got a part that was completely correct except the electrical plug was a different shape. I found out after I installed it. (For the record it did plug in, just didn't have long enough prongs to communicate.) I had to order the right part again and take this one off and install the right one, all while only getting paid to put the correct one on (lost about 1.3 hours).
My co-worker laughed and said, "Bet you won't make that mistake again. Pay attention next time." His very next job he put all 4 tires on backwards (some tires are directional). Said the same thing to him. I knew I would use it against him, didn't know it would be that soon.
18. Now I'm gonna be nervous every time I laugh at someone
It was my own karma.
I was in eighth grade. I was standing on a bench when I watched some girl fall over in the yard, started laughing and pointing and then went to lean back onto the fence that was behind the bench. Turns out it had broken off where I was standing and I fell straight through and into the mud.
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17. The bigger they come...
One time in middle school, this guy who was relatively new at our school was making fun of a girl in our class who fell in the hallway in-between classes; coincidentally this was a girl I had a crush on. He was a little bit of a class clown, and was mocking her, making her look stupid and clumsy. Apparently, he misjudged his footing, and while attempting to jokingly ape the way she had fallen, actually fell for real, and landed squarely on his back in front of everybody. He broke his arm in the process. Passing him by in the hallway, I saw him just lying there, surrounded by adults and staring up at the ceiling, face completely expressionless.
He didn't come back to school. Pretty sure he moved after that. I would have too.
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16. Wang chung
The best one was a real goon at my school. He got up on the roof of a shed to pee on kids as they left the shed. But this dumb bully fell off the roof resulting in a broken wrist, injured wang and eternal humiliation.
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15. A glitch in the matrix
I still don't understand how it happened.
I go through periods of insomnia, and I have stayed up through countless nights over the years. One such night probably about 1.5 years ago, I went to 7-11 at like 6:30 a.m. for I don't remember what.
On the way out I see this homeless guy I call Hobo Joe. I've seen him around my city (Norfolk, VA) for years. Anyways, I see him and as usual he's begging for change. I don't mind helping this guy out because he doesn't spend it on drinks, he legitimately needs food. So I go back in and buy him 2 microwave 7-11 hamburgers, and heat them up. I give him the burgers and proceed to Tropical Smoothie which opens at 7 a.m.
I park the car and open the door, look down and what do I see? A fresh $20 on the white line of the parking spot. Nice. So that's cool but then this is the really crazy part: I come back out of Tropical Smoothie and as I approach my car, what do I find? Another $20. In the exact same spot. I checked my pocket, the first one was still there.
A glitch in the matrix?
14. Clothed in kindness
In line at Wendy's and a gentleman realized he had misplaced his wallet. He ran to and from his car very flustered and jumped on the phone with his wife to have her look for it and drive to the Wendy's. While he wasn't paying attention I stepped in front of him and payed the $8 for his food. We were both obviously on our lunch breaks and it was just a lame situation for the guy, so I felt bad, even though he drove a Lexus.
Guy insists that I don't. I said too late, bro. Patted him on the shoulder and said pay it forward with a smile.
He approached my table and told me that was one of the nicest things he had ever witnessed, then he told me to come across the street to the tailor/suit shop after I get off of work.
I paid $8 for a guy's lunch and got a custom $800 suit in return.
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13. It's always better to comply
I was pulled over by police for speeding (2nd time in 30+ years driving). Before the officer got out of his car I made sure my window was rolled down, shut my truck off, turned on interior light (it was night time), and put both of my hands on the steering wheel. He told me how much he appreciated this and sent me on my way with a verbal warning to pay attention to speed limit.
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12. Bad drivers always get punished eventually
I was driving into a construction zone where three lanes converged to one. Right at the point it became one lane, a car tried to pass me on my right. I slowed down so he wouldn't hit me, but he ran over one of those metal lane dividers. It got caught up in his back right wheel well and went around a few times. I could see and hear it make a mess of his fender. Last I saw he was pulling over to inspect the damage.
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11. Easy A
Once I saw this lost dog sign in the neighborhood... the dog had a distinct face, so when i saw it only a few blocks away, I was like no way! So I picked it up and took it home. The whole famn damily was there, and they all cried and thanked me.
The next week when I started a new year of high school, the father of that family was my English teacher. I didn't do any work and I still made an A in that class.
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10. Guess you got shafted
Me, my brother, and our friend decided to be funny and get on an elevator ahead of our other friend so we could get to the hotel room first and lock our other friend out for a stupid joke. We got trapped on the elevator for an hour and a half while our other friend that we ditched got to chill by the pool for that time. I guess we deserved it.
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9. Blind turn
Saw a guy in a gorgeous sports car (Ferrari I think) honking and yelling at a pedestrian in the crosswalk. Pedestrian had the right of way and was crossing during the signal. Immediately after they passed the guy guns it and darts around the corner and rear-ends a cop who was in the middle of writing a ticket.
There was a truck parked on the street that was just enough to obstruct Ferrari guys line of sight through the turn. It was glorious, I didn't even see it happen, I just heard the crunch right after he turned the corner.
8. The more you give the more you save
Not a case of bad karma luckily. My friend and I were walking out of Walmart when a homeless man asked me for money for food. I don’t ever carry cash on me. So I say I’m sorry I don’t have any and go to walk away. However, I had worked earlier that day and still had unopened snacks in my car. So I walk back up to him and say, “I don’t have any money but I do have some snacks and water in my car that I can give you.” His face lit up.
So I walked to my car, and grabbed the snacks and walked back. I hand him the bag, it had a granola bar, two bags of chips, some crackers and two water bottles. He thanks me about twenty times and I tell him to have a good day.
So I go to my friend's house and we’re just hanging out and I’m scrolling through a city wide selling page on Facebook. I had just bought a new king size bed and didn’t have a bed set for it. I came across this beautiful solid wood frame with built in drawers that was in perfect condition. The seller had it listed for $100. She was selling it because it didn’t fit in her new house.
So I have my husband and some friends get a truck and we go to get it that same day. I gave the lady the $100, and she mentions that “I meant to post it for $1,000 but mistyped. Since we already agreed on the price before I realized it, you can have it for the $100.”
And that’s how I gave a homeless man food and good karma greeted me with a practically new bed set for $100.
7. Tip or trip
Watched an entitled angry man abuse and belittle his server to the point of tears. Then he hitched up his belt and looked pleased with himself as he swaggered off the restaurant deck, tripped on the stairs, and face planted in the sand on the beach. (This was a vacation in Florida.) My wife looked mortified as I laughed right out loud at the guy. He got up, saw everyone staring and at least one person openly laughing, and quickstepped off down the beach.
6. The seagull of justice
Was buying some drinks at a Circle K one day while visiting someone in Florida and these old tourists cut us in line. All the while, they were complaining and whining loudly about everything -- how expensive everything is, how crowded the beach is, it’s too hot, etc. They are also really rude to the cashier and take forever arguing about the price of the hot dogs they were buying or something.
They leave, and as we walk out we witness a seagull come and snatch the guy’s hot dog right out of his hand. His wife then shrieks and proceeds to drop hers out of shock.
I know it isn’t that big of a deal but it was so freaking hilarious watching that happening that I still remember it 5 years later.
5. A working vacation
I work for a staffing agency. I’m a recruiter. Pretty small team and this was actually another recruiter on my team that this happened to.
My co-worker was working with this guy who was pretty sharp. He was a programmer. His company was doing layoffs but he was told he wouldn’t be affected. My co-worker contacted him, chatted about the situation and he said he would be interested in looking around. We just had a new client give us a position to help on that fit his background. We lined up an interview pretty quickly, he interviewed and got the position! Great. It was even a little salary bump. Straight direct hire, no contract stuff. He goes in, works his first week. All is great, all smiles.
Well, that next Monday shows up and he isn’t there. The company calls us asking where he is, so my co-worker calls him. He answers the phone and my co-worker asks, “Hey, is everything okay? You no call no showed today over at XYZ company.” And the guy proceeds to tell us ,“Yeah, I never actually quit my job. I just took vacation for the week to see if I liked the place. It was okay but I’ll just stay here.”
My co-worker responds, “Man, is there anything I can do? This puts us in a tight spot, this is a brand new customer of ours, can I do anything?” And the guy tells us, “Quite frankly I don’t give a [bleep] what kind of position it puts you in nor do I care if they are a new customer. I’m staying, don’t call me again.” And hangs up the phone.
He got laid off the next week.
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4. Tina, you fat lard
I used to be a zookeeper.
This foul woman guest was making fun of our llama for looking ugly. The llama was a rescue who had to have corrective jaw surgery.
The awful woman pointed and laughed right in the llama's face. And the llama spat in her mouth.
I gave the llama a treat and told her that she was a good girl.
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3. To the victor go the spoils
Was out for dinner with my then-fiancee (now wife) and her dad, my (now) father-in-law. He's a bit of a jerk to her, he got divorced and re-married, loves those kids more than my wife, gives her crap over too many things, etc.
So we're at the end of dinner, father-in-law offers to pay for the meal. OK, that's nice. My wife asks to get her leftovers boxed and she'll take them home. He starts with, "Well, you'll just leave them in the fridge, then they'll just get thrown out, blah blah." I tell him, "Listen, it's not your fridge, leave her alone." (She and I live together at this point.)
He gets all mad: "Don't tell me how to raise my daughter!"
I reply, "Then don't speak to my fiancee that way!"
He literally throws the bill at me and says "FINE! YOU PAY THEN!" And storms out.
OK, now everyone is mad. I am, my fiancee is saying "why did you have to start something?" So I pay the bill and I'm just waiting for the receipt. Like we're waiting 10 minutes here, what the heck is going on? Tensions are rising, her dad is waiting outside, just building up steam and ready to blow once we get out there. I ask the waiter, "Can I just get our bill and go?" "Oh no sir, you have to wait for the manager."
Turns out they have a contest running where "every bill is a winner." Normally you'll win a free drink, or appetizer with your next meal. Well we won the FREAKING GRAND PRIZE, a trip for 4 to Florida!
Whoever pays gets the prize. WELL GUESS WHAT? I paid because you stormed out like an idiot over some leftovers. Isn't karma tough, old man?
2. I hope he did hard time
This happened while I was working for the fire department, on a call for a multi-vehicle rollover accident on the interstate. We got on the interstate one exit away, running into traffic, so we moved over to the emergency lane with lights and siren. We were about half way there when a BMW pulls in front of us trying to cut through the traffic. He didn't even look.
I laid into the air horn and he came to a complete stop, with his middle finger out the window.
I'd had a lot of people do stupid things when seeing lights coming at them, but this guy was being a moron for the sake of being a moron.
He got out of his car and started screaming at us.
Meanwhile he was blocking the only fire engine and 2 ambulances available. People were really hurt half a mile away, and he was making his stand because we honked our air horn at him for blocking us.
I looked out at my mirror to see a highway patrolman running between lanes towards us... he was fired up.
BMW boy was immediately arrested, his pretty car got pushed out of the way into a ditch, and he went to jail.
The people in the accident were hurt bad, and 2 cars had to be cut open to get people extricated from bent metal.
It was frustrating.
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1. The tightrope
I was at an All Good festival once and there was one of those dudes who was just pure id. You know, shouting insults, screaming, throwing crap at people, just an animal. He was slightly uphill from a main intersection, only maybe thirty feet from the crowd. I was standing around waiting for a friend.
The dude's campsite was total BS, with some poorly planned tarp-city thing held up by a nylon rope that was strung over a pickup truck and secured by slamming a car door shut on it.
Suddenly, the guy throws a can at the crowd, crawls up on top of the car, and starts tight-roping it between the car and the truck. I was very impressed that he made it at least two steps before the rope slipped a few inches in the car door. The dumb guy spread his legs, and he dropped three feet straight down onto the suspended rope.
I have never in my life seen a guy wrack his balls so hard. In a fetal position, he spun around the rope in slow motion until he was upside down. Then the rope scraped across the roof of the truck, fell between the cab and the bed, partially collapsed the tarp city, and dropped the dummy a couple more feet onto his head in the mud.
The dummy got up, shut up, looked a little embarrassed, and limped away as his infuriated friends boiled out of their wrecked home.
