Ah, young love. So full of possibilities. So full of promise. So full of moments of absolutely catastrophic embarrassment that haunt you until your dying day. We all have them. A kiss that landed wrong. A text that got taken the wrong way. A grand gesture that should have stayed concealed. We asked people from around the world to share their cringey first relationship mistakes. They made us feel better about ours. Almost.
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61. Bait and switch.
Wasn't my first, but first serious: I was dating a Turkish girl for a month or so and her mother came to visit from Turkey. The mother spoke no English. The three of us went to eat at a restaurant. Possibly because I was nervous or possibly because I needed to express my sense of humor amongst all of the foreign Turkish conversation, I slipped down on one knee and raised my hands as if proposing marriage to my girlfriend. Both of them took the bait for a second, eyes wide in shock...and then I popped back into my chair and chuckled, "Just kidding."
Ali Hassan
60. Lesson learned, at least.
I was 17/18 at the time and that prefect mix of insecure and jealous.. I used to freak out if I ever thought he was looking at other girls, even if it was just a picture in a magazine. The worst was when I found a panty-shot in one of his mangas. My ridiculous tantrum was so bad he threw out his entire manga collection (which was large and something he really loved). I still feel bad about it to this day.
Eventually I realized how toxic that kind of behavior is.. for a relationship and just in general.
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59. Crossed signals.
Gave a girl a CD with a single song on it. Falling for You by Student Rick and a long note describing how the music expressed my feelings. Did not label the CD.
Also happened to burn a Bad Religion CD the same night. Did not label this CD either.
Got mad at girl when she told me she only got to listen to the first half of the CD. "What the heck! There was only one track. She didn't even listen to it!"
Guess what I heard when I put in my Bad Religion CD?
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58. Goes both ways.
I got so mad at my first boyfriend when I saw pictures from a party where he was "theater kissing" (when you hold your thumb between each other’s mouths but it looks like you’re really kissing) another guy as a goofball joke. I knew he wasn’t really kissing him but I freaked out anyways because I thought people would think he was gay and think he no longer loved me. I remember calling him and sobbing over it. It was full blown psycho.
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57. Too many status updates.
My first boyfriend and I used to log into each other's Facebook's to post the stupidest crap. For example I'd post from his account something along the lines of "omg fjsgk is the best gf in the world I love her sooooo much!!" and all of our high school friends thought it was funny.
Also generally oversharing too much online, from me being mad at him, to me gushing about how great he was.
I turned on Facebook memory notifications a year or two ago so I could meticulously comb through my Facebook posts day by day and purge the years of embarrassment from my account.
56. Gifts gone to waste.
We used to give little and very random sentimental gifts to each other. For example, Squirtle was an inside joke thing between us, so over time he would give me Squirtle related things (the Pokemon card, a little Squirtle toy, etc).
I remember filling up a little mason jar with many tiny origami stars, each with a reason why I loved him. He read all of them, but because our relationship was very lowkey and hidden from our families (oh middle school days), he couldn't bring it home and hide it from his nosy family. So after unravelling each star, he put the papers back into the jar and gave it back to me to take home.
Waste of time, since he turned out to be a huge jerk, and very cringey looking back.
Image by Couleur from Pixabay
55. Now you know your ABC's.
Had my first relationship with a girl when I was 12. Our relationship consisted of mostly hanging out at school and talking on the phone. Then I we planned a date to the movies which everyone in 8th grade KNOWS mean going on for a kiss.
I was incredibly nervous so I asked my older brother (older by a year) how to kiss. He assured me all I had to do was spell out the alphabet with my tounge. So we go to see the movie and after I lay on the already cringe yawn to arm around her I go in for the kiss. I fervently started tracing A B C D...
She pulled away around F and didn’t say another word in the movie or on the car ride home when my mom picked us up.
She broke up with me the day after.
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54. Still pretty sweet.
I had seen a post on somewhere claiming the best back up plan to being rejected when asking someone if they want to kiss was to pull out some Hershey’s kisses and act as if that you were simply asking if they wanted some. I thought I’d use this the next day when the girl I had a crush on came over.
We were laying on my bed 2 feet apart watching the Shining. I look at her, she doesn’t look at me, I blurt out ‘hey, do ya wanna kiss?’. She pauses for a good 5 seconds before saying ‘No’ with disgust in her voice. I then, thinking I’m a bloody legend pull out a bag of Hershey’s kisses and say ‘more for me then’.
She knew I wasn’t asking her if she wanted Hershey’s kisses and I knew she knew. We sat in silence and watched the rest of the movie as I ate a whole bag of Hershey’s kisses.
53. Stalker behavior at work.
This one's a two-parter. "Dated" a co-worker at a certain department store for like a month. She never seemed to be available, always busy since we had conflicting schedules, so one day I got fed up and kissed her by surprise in the stockroom (mistake number 1). She was flattered at first but then realization set in I kissed her at our workplace and she mentioned the stockroom cameras, and she scooted away for the rest of the day.
Later that day, we text, I tell her I just need to see her more often, I keep asking what days/times but get nowhere, and then I asked her for her work login so I could just check her schedule and tell her when we should meet. No response, the next day I find out she got moved to women's clothing "because they needed the help." A couple days later I get her text saying she needs space and time alone and all that, and it all made sense suddenly just how naive I had been.
Photo by Artem Beliaikin @belart84 from Pexels
52. No one's sleeping tonight.
My first real relationship was in college, and I was dating a guy I had met not all that long ago, maybe just a few months prior. I lived in the dorms but he didn't, and there were some times when he would come to my dorm room in the afternoon and we would take a nap or just sit around talking. The first time he came to my room, we had just started dating and he was hesitant about sleeping in the same bed with me, so he asked what I would rather do. I got upset that he didn't want to just sleep in the same bed right away because "we're dating right now" and he accepted, but I could tell he would have been more comfortable sleeping in separate beds. I still remember exactly what I said because it was so embarrassing in hindsight. I did a lot of other super cringey things back then--tried to kiss him while he was sleeping, repeatedly texted him, gave him tons of gifts and handmade stuff trying to get him back after he broke up with me a few weeks later. I was really immature and childishly selfish about relationships for a long time.
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51. Time to move on.
Had a teenage drama meltdown (which involved hysterical crying a threatening to harm myself and getting people to take sides) when he broke up with me and kinda hooked up with his best friend as revenge. I am cringing as I type this and if you are reading this, either of you, I'm really, really sorry.
I was an immature kid who acted like a massive idiot. I regret what I did and what I put them through. We are all adults now but I'm still ashamed of that chapter in my life.
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50. Swapping spit.
We were standing outside the movie theatre after seeing something laughing and joking around. I was much taller than her and she jokingly made like she was going to spit at me, so I jokingly made like I was going to spit at her.
Only it didn't turn out to be a joke. I launched a huge gob right down between her eyes... We dated for five years after that.
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
49. He will find you.
He broke up with me when I caught him talking to other guys online (using a dating profile that had pictures of the two of us but me cropped out or pictures that I took).
So I thought I could win him back by hand crafting a Legend of Zelda (his favorite game) treasure chest that had an MP3 player and a speaker built in and it had a Triforce as the controlling buttons. It played music from the game and his favorite songs from "Wicked" the musical.
Why is this cringe-worthy. We were only together for a month. I mailed it to his house 3 months after we broke up, and I said I made it for his birthday while we were dating and I figured he should have it. Except his Birthday was like 10 months away. I didn't actually know his address, he never told me, so I looked up the company where his dad was the CEO so I could get his full name (which I didn't know), and looked it up online and found his home address.
He must have thought I was a serial killer.
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48. Master of the uni-verse.
My first girlfriend and I didn't know how to make out, so our "make out" just consisted of holding one kiss for a long time... like 30ish minutes. A few months later, we eventually figured out the making out thing but I can feel the relationship heading south... she is being distant and the 30 minute drive is getting tough because neither of us can drive yet... anyway, I decide to write her a love poem but I'm a terrible writer so I just reworked the lyrics to a Staind song that hadn't been released on the radio... she loved the poem and thinks I'm the sweetest guy ever blah blah blah... fast forward a couple weeks and Staind releases the song on the radio and it's a huge hit because it's the early 2000s and I have terrible luck... she calls me asking if I did exactly what i did... poof relationship over, and I can't blame her.
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47. Keeping it private.
So this was more the guy than it was me, but damn if it wasn’t the clingiest thing to ever happen to me. It was eighth grade, and I was “talking to” (that weird in between phase between friends and dating) well, I was talking to this guy in my English class. I had a huge crush on him, and we texted every day. I can still vividly remember texting him on my huge white slider phone, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. Well, this lasted into summer break, and we kept texting but never hung out bc we were 13 and weird. One day, I see him at the movie theater with his brother and I get all excited and run over to say hi. He acts all wired and kind of pretends not to know me, so I slink back to my family all defeated. Then I get a text from him that’s along the lines of “Hey what’s up.” This kid didn’t have the balls to talk to me in real life! I was so confused and never spoke to him again. The quality of my love life hasn’t improved much since then but at least some of the other guys I’ve dated talked to me in public...
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46. A little hair is a big deal.
Making out, she said "You got some mustache going on. You should have shaved for our date."
I realize now she was trying to be playful but I was hurt and I said "I could say the same thing to you, Mustashio." And made finger guns. Hours later, out of the blue, she quietly asked if it really looked like she needed to shave.
I've felt guilty for decades, but now I'm thinking "Hey, why does SHE get to critique my facial hair?"
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45. 10 things I hate about you.
Once got into an argument with my high school girlfriend. She apologized and asked how she could be a better girlfriend, and I proceeded to make a “list” of things she sucked at or that I didn’t like about her. Also on this list we’re things that I felt like she should change about herself, including giving me nookie when I wanted and generally doing what I say. Looking back now I realize how much of a misogynistic jerk I was. We stayed together long after that, and she helped me grow into a better guy. Unfortunately it didn’t work out in the end, but those experiences are part of the reason why my current relationship is going so well.
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44. Out in the open.
Our classrooms had desks that sat two, so we used to sit next to each other rub the inside of each other's thighs, assuming the teacher couldn't see. Then a few days later we got assigned seats for some reason and we were split up. Eventually I had to get up to present something in front of the class and I realized, much to my horror, that the teacher could TOTALLY see what was going on.
Photo by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels
43. Learn how to grammar.
6th grade. We “dated” for all of about a week, and the entire relationship was conducted via notes passed in the hallway between classes. One day she wrote me a note inviting me to come to her house that weekend and swim in her pool. She wrote “it would mean a lot to me. Really entruly.” She obviously meant “and truly.” I wrote back explaining her grammar/spelling mistakes, told her I cannot date someone with bad grammar, and told her, on the advice of an older friend, that “we should see other people.” Last I heard she’s a professional dancer now, so there’s that.
Image by Alexandr Ivanov from Pixabay
42. And there's no getting it back.
I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend in the cringiest way possible. We were in missionary position and the moment I went in, I kind of fell on top of her softly and cried out, “There, I gave it to you.” It, being my virginity. I don’t know why but I was emotional about it...yeah. I cringe extremely hard whenever I think about that moment.
Image by Erik Lucatero from Pixabay
41. The sound effects are unnecessary.
Got my first girlfriend at 18. We'd been hanging out and talking a fair bit and then we went to a friend's beach house with a bunch of other friends to spend the night and party a bit. We end up sharing a bed because she doesn't really know anyone else super well and as we're lying there I put my arm around her and she snuggles up closer. That was already more than I was planning to do and it went pretty well so I didn't want to push my luck, but then she says, "you know, you can put your hand anywhere you want."
I don't want to push my luck to much so I just put my hand on her boob over her shirt and then she says, " I mean anywhere". I think, ok, I'm in too deep to back out now and go under her shirt. So far so good, but then I do the cringiest thing I have ever done and hopefully will ever do, I give her boob a squeeze and say "noot noot!" like a total moron. She thought it was hilarious, but a couple of my friends overheard it from the next room over and they still haven't stopped giving me crap for it about 3 years later.
40. That didn't win her over?
When I was 14, I stood outside for my then girlfriend for like 2 hours just to see her at her window. She thought it was creepy and we broke up after two days.
I also got on one knee to ask her to date me, as if I was asking her to marry me. I suppressed that memory for a while. Glad it's back.
39. It's still cool.
I wore a floor length leather jacket to our first date because The Matrix was really cool at the time. I was 15 at the time. My mum bought it for me from a leather shop in Glasgow (which makes the story either better or worse, your choice). There was no second date.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
38. Nothing says love like raw fish.
We were 16 and we both loved sushi. After payday we’d go to our favorite spot and feed sushi to each other, one roll at a time.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, we would KISS EACH ROLL before shoving it into the others mouth.
37. Let's list the pros and cons.
I sat in the car with her for an hour debating whether I should kiss her. I debated out loud too, no joke. I was literally like “I could kiss you now, but should I?” Dear god why did she ever date me.
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36. Hillbilly blues.
There was this guy that I used to make out with that lived on a lagoon. We knew another person that lived nearby, so we could use her paddle boat to pass by the back of his house. We didn't see him out in the yard, so desperate and hormone fueled young me starts yelling his name to see if he'd come out (this was pre-cellphones). I yelled and yelled for a long time, doing circles in the paddle boat, and the friend I was with was like "dude, give it up, he's not home". But he was home, he told us later that his whole family was sitting down to eat and heard me screaming his name over and over like a cat in heat. So embarrassing.
35. Give the kid a chance.
My ex's mom wasn't a big fan of me so I wrote a 13 page paper introducing myself and proving why she should give me a chance... It was 16 pages double spaced.
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34. First time's tough.
This was less a relationship and more a crush... He was walking me to the subway station, and I wanted to hold his hand. I reached for it and he just kind of... Kept his hand stiff. So I walked with him with our palms flat against each others, held out in front of us. Why 15 year old me, why.
33. Gotta relieve the pressure.
When I was 14 I had this boyfriend and we used to have pretty standard make out sessions after school. Well we would be in the middle of kissing, then he would get up say he had to use the bathroom, come back and start kissing me again. This would happen over and over. So one day I'm like "why do you always go to the bathroom when we are making out?" And he looks visibly uncomfortable and just sort of shrugs. I started thinking he had bowel problems. Then later I was talking to a male friend about it and he told me my boyfriend was probably disappearing into the bathroom to rub one out. I didn't believe him and was convinced for the longest time my first boyfriend had like IBS or something. Now I look back and think I was a little naive.
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32. Movies are to blame.
Homecoming dance. First kiss of the relationship. I wanted to try and do the thing from the movies where you passionately grab the other person on both sides of their face and pull them into a dramatic kiss.
I ended up smushing his face to the point where he looked like he was sucking on a lemon and got pushed into a glass door. He was nice about it though. The second kiss was much calmer and sweeter.
Image by Tanya Patxot from Pixabay
31. If that didn't work, nothing will.
I had a crush on a girl and after years of innocent flirting I didn't know how to take the next step so one day I text her "I love them big ol' boobies of yours" and she never spoke to me again. I still cringe thinking about it. It was just so out of the blue. I was just so stuck in this innocent flirting mode and didn't know how to take the next step so one day I just decided I would take a trust fall and I fell flat and hard.
30. Don't bring the fruit into this.
She asked me out over snap by saying "I want to date you." I thought she was joking (I was thrilled because I like her a lot but didn't want to jump into saying yes and have her just be kidding). So I go downstairs and my reply was me holding a bag of prunes and I say "I don't have any dates but I have prunes." I am not proud of my actions and I have no idea how we are dating as of now but yeah, that worked.
Image by LeoNeoBoy from Pixabay
29. The good old days.
If a text went unanswered for more than 5-7 minutes, I would hit resend. Again and again. And this was like 2007 so phone plans were not what they are now and I was using my mom's, which had no texting included. Poor guy and poor mom's phone bill.
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28. It's a look.
I had a crush on her in high school but didn't know how to talk to girls. So I dyed my hair and grew a mullet to get her attention. I guess I was thinking courting was like how animals do it in the wild or something. Like peacocks.
27. The noisy chaperone.
I was 13. He was 14. Whenever we went to see a movie in theatres, his mom insisted on not leaving us alone. She sat in the row behind us and would 'tsk' every time he would try to put his arm around me.
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26. Not uncommon.
She and I did that thing where if we texted each other and used a smiley face or put a period, we immediately assumed the other person was in a crappy mood. A fight would quickly ensue. Because of emojis and punctuation.
I wish I could slap myself in the past.
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25. So mature.
We were each other's first real boyfriend/girlfriend. Met as new freshmen during orientation week at our university, gave each other a disgusting amount of very dark, very visible hickies during a week where we'd be meeting a ton of new people, including academic advisors and RAs.
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24. Mmmmmmmmm no.
The first time I kissed a guy I was 18 years old... Up until then my only exposure to kissing was from scenes in TV shows/movies. So when we started making out, I made moaning noises because I thought that's what you were supposed to do! God, I hate myself. I can't even look at him anymore... I just see idiot me moaning like a total weirdo Mmmm Mmmm mmm uhhh mmm whyyyyyyy?
23. Good advice.
I was beyond jealous. Always accusing and getting angry over nothing. Looking back I don't know how she put up with it. I regret how I acted 100% and I'm almost positive if I hadn't been such a jerk we might even still be together. To make it worse, I broke up with her. She was devastated and upset for a long time and again I was an inconsiderate douche. Years later we reconnected and both still had feelings but I still hadn't grown up and couldn't look past things that never even happened.
Don't be jealous, if there's a legitimate reason, talk about it. Don't jump to conclusions on your own.
22. Make up your mind.
I broke up with him over text message and 3 days later I asked him to get back together and he said no, I cried and he still said no. We continued to see each other as "friends with benefits" which basically was: he could see other girls and I could only see him. This lasted about 3 years and when he started seeing other girls I would message them pretending to be him telling them to leave him alone.
I was in a terrible, terrible place. Total cringe.
21. Calling all cringers.
I called my first boyfriend's home every night, multiple times if he wasn’t home when I called earlier (these were days before cellphones were super common so it was a landline shared by the whole family which made it even more embarrassing because the whole freaking family knew I was calling). Once I finally got him on the phone I’d talk about anything and everything. He’d rarely say a word which made me talk more to fill the silence. I’m now convinced that he’d put the phone down and play video games while I talked into the air for an hour or two. or three. Ughhhh.
20. It's just a phase.
When my wife and I first dated, we had no clue how to french kiss, so we kinda twirled our tongues around for a while. And sometimes he had a habit of holding a drink inside of his mouth, and then passing it into mine. Totally snowballing before we even knew what that was.
I'm not allowed to bring this up because he twitches in embarrassment, even though I try to tell him we're literally not the only ones who have ever done this; but before doing it for the first time (we waited for about a year or so) we used to dry hump. A LOT. He's so ashamed, whenever I bring this up he'll cover his face and cringe so hard he twitches all over. But seriously, I've heard a lot of couples that went through the "dry hump phase" before getting down for real.
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19. Hit and run.
Back when I was in high school and I went out with a girl I had a huge crush on. We went to the zoo and then grabbed some food at some place. Afterwards, we had to split up in order to get our trains that were going in the opposite directions. I awkwardly tried to lean in for a kiss, while she went in to hug me, and I ended up headbutting her in the face and her nose started bleeding. I was so embarrassed and I just asked, "Are you okay" and when she said, "I think so," I just waved goodbye and ran into the train station.
18. The mighty Mini.
It happened on my first date with my current girlfriend (who also happens to be my first). We were driving to a restaurant in my Mini Cooper when a lifted F-250 passed us and she goes “ugh compensating much?” Then I promptly say, “haha that’s why I drive a Mini Cooper it’s reverse compensation.” She then just says “um...okay” in a weirded out sort of way and we sat in awkward silence for the next 30 seconds.
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17. Croon away the pain.
I wrote a song for her 2 weeks in. I was bored and thought she would think it was cute. She ended up breaking up with me the day of because "I was taking things too fast." This happened this week. I'm still trying to get over her. I've never regretted something so much in my life.
16. Everyone's cringing, now.
I. Spit. Into. His. Mouth. Granted, we both did this but I cringe more at myself. We would make out and start getting playful, and one day he just spit into my mouth. I was extremely disgusted at first, and then I did it back as revenge. It just evolved from there as a playful, gross thing we did. Ah, young love.
15. Delicate and ladylike.
I’m a girl and I sneeze really loud and just let myself go when it comes to sneezing. In my first relationship I was 13/14 and I used to pretend to have a cute sneeze instead of my real one. So every time I sneezed around him I did it in such a girly way and high pitched, so like ‘hui’ not like my actual sneezing ‘haaaatschuuuuuu’.
Looking back it must have been so obviously fake. I still don’t know why I thought I should do this. Stupid.
16. Turn the other cheek.
In 6th grade I was dating this girl and went in for our first kiss (she told me she wanted to) and when I got close she turned and I kissed her cheek and go “oh I missed” tried again same thing happened while the principal was standing behind us and a bunch of other kids. Then she broke up with me over text. I’m cringing sitting here thinking about it.
15. It's all in the text.
When we texted each other we would usually end messages with a "owo" or something similar to the point where if we didn't use them and just texted each other like normal non-cringey teenagers, it usually meant we were upset.
We're still together and we still do this because we're cringey adults now. But am I embarrassed when I accidentally text the wrong person, "hello my honey bunches >w<" and have to explain that I'm not a weird dweeb trying to push them into roleplaying with me.
14. It's been a whirlwind.
I bought a a fake $20 “engagement ring” from jcpenny 3 sizes too big that my ex and I bought together. I was 13 and he was 17. I strutted around school telling everyone I was engaged to him... he did ask me to marry him on Christmas and it was captured on tape... I need to find this and burn it. And then burn the ashes. I think my family thought it was cute. We were only together a few weeks.
Image by Ina Hoekstra from Pixabay
13. Can't go wrong with a ring.
Somehow she’s still with me. Four months in, her birthday came around. She, up to this point, was still painfully shy. I asked her close friend what I should do, and she tells me to get a certain ring from Pandora. I sorta hesitate, but I ultimately go through with it. It was the single most awkward thing to watch her open it. Luckily it was just the two of us at the time so her parents didn’t see it and think I was super weird. She isn’t much for wearing it on her hand, but she still wears it on the necklace I got her a year later.
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay
12. Served Sim right.
I created a Sims family with my first boyfriend. We each created ourselves, got married and then had twin babies as you do in Sims. We only lasted three months and since I was a petty high schooler, my Sim divorced his Sim and kicked him out. Once the twins became kids, they would go see their dad, who ended up living out the rest of his life alone in a swamp shack.
11. Mr. and Mrs.
Had my first boyfriend when I was a freshmen and he a junior. After a few months of dating, my family and I moved to another state. I would write in a notebook during school about how much I loved him and think about him. And just how I'm still obsessed about him. I mailed it to him when it was full. It had practice signatures of my first name with his last name, my daydreams of our future with kids and such. Ah! I pray he never showed his friends.
10. You live, you learn.
I was 15 and still not coming to grips completely with the fact that I am a lesbian so I forced myself to date a guy. I would do a lot of cringey things, like I made a fake facebook account and sent him weird messages. He knew it was me because I forgot that my skype and fake facebook had the same name (Derick John Man). I wish that relationship could be wiped from my memories, and his, if it even counted as one. We never hung out together in the 2 months we dated, I just kissed him once and then broke up with him 2 days later. That was such a mean thing to do.
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9. The inappropriate response.
Right after I graduated high school, my high school crush showed up at my work and asked me out. I was over the moon! She was super intelligent, very pretty, and had a reputation for being "friendly", if you take my meaning. She even bragged about it.
I took her to an inexpensive Italian restaurant. We talked about school and how difficult it was. I though I was dreaming when I felt her foot rising up between my legs. Here it was, our first date, when she gently presses her foot into my crotch!
So what did I do? I farted. Audibly. I didn't feel her foot anymore after that.
8. There's always one.
He told me that he loved me after 4 weeks as he drove me home and I didn't know what to do with that, so I did what any sensible 16 year old would do. I said "I love me too" because that's my dad's response to I love you, I then promptly ran into my house.
I also learned I was lactose intolerant and had a very sensitive stomach during that relationship. I wasn't used to "Western" cooking. Like Canadian, mishmash of different types of western Europe, cooking. Involving tons of butter and cheese. It tasted great but my stomach didn't enjoy it. So one night after dinner, I had a terrible stomach ache, so I used the bathroom and unleashed probably the biggest poop of my life to date. It flushed and everything was fine and dandy, except for the smell. My god the smell. This bathroom was also off fhe first floor hallway. I turned the fan on and wafted with the door but nothing helped. Apparently because my ex and his dad argued over who stank up the bathroom so bad no one could use it. I got teased for it by the whole family, mostly my ex and I cringe to this day thinking that it's probably the reason we broke up.
7. Humble beginnings.
Not my first relationship, but certainly the only remotely good one.
Back story: She was an old friend from a youth police cadet program we both attended. Drop dead gorgeous and didn’t know it. We hadn’t seen each other a good few years. We had been talking over Facebook, she had helped me through depression and some other stuff. I had well and truly fallen for her, and the way she spoke to me, cared for my wellbeing, I thought she must’ve liked me as well.
First “date” we meet up for coffee, she greets me with a literal running, jumping, spinning hug. So there’s me thinking “wow she must really like me.”
Not two hours later over coffee she puts a pic of us on her snap story captioned “he’s like a brother to me” the proceeds to tell me how her mum thought she was going on a date and her response was “eww no he’s just a really good friend.”
Gut wrenching to say the least.
Fast forward to now and the 3rd anniversary of that day passed a few weeks ago, and despite it we are going to be celebrating 3 years of being together on the 25th of this month.
She also hates this story being retold.
Pixabay
6. An entire relationship played out in a day.
I don't count this as my first relationship but it's still pretty bad. I was a freshman in high school and I was friends with this girl in my band class. We got along really well and I was thinking I was starting to develop feelings for her, so I decided to ask her out the next day after our band class ended.
One thing to note here is my schedule during the day. I had band class as my third class of 6 during the day, so band probably ended around 10:30 or 11 AM.
Band class ends and I muster up the courage to ask her out. She says yes, and I excitedly go off to my next class, Math. During math class, we have a test so of course I'm alone with my thoughts since we're not allowed to talk during the test. I began thinking about the logistics of this brand new relationship I'd just started just a few minutes ago, and I quickly realize I don't know what we're gonna do. I'm a freshman in high school and I don't have a job or a driver's license, so clearly I can't drive her to dates unless our parents take us and I can't pay for dates either. I begin freaking out about this realization, and think about it so much I end up failing my math test.
Later on, I decide that since I have no source of income or method of transportation that I definitely cannot sustain this relationship I've just started (because I'm smart) due to the fact that I can't take her on dates by myself. At the end of the day, I catch her packing up her trombone and quickly blurt out "I don't think this is going to work out, I'm going to have to end this" and run away. This "relationship" literally lasted 4 hours.
She of course was super mad at me and I explained why I broke it off later once she was talking to me again. We're still pretty good friends but she still gives me crap about it to this day.
Foundry Co from Pixabay
5. Friends last longer.
Had a crush on a really nice girl when I was 14, but we had never really talked or had much of a conversation even in the classes we had. Sent her a flower on Valentine's day without my name, but someone told her. Had her friend ask if she was interested in me to which she said that she 'doesn't really know me'.
Here comes the cringe... 14 year old me takes that literally and then waited for her where we both walked between some classes. Proceeded to tell her my life story and history of where I had lived, what I had done from birth to now. I can't believe I was that awkward. At one point tried to compliment her as well, but used the wrong word and I could tell that really set her off. So I cut my losses and figured out I had really screwed up, was super creepy, and then left her alone.
One year later without any interaction since then we now had a common friend and were walking with said friend down the hall. She asks me how I did on the test in one of our classes, but I don't respond. She signals at me with a "Hello?" To which I reply, "Who me? Sorry, I didn't think you would ever talk to me again after last year."
We eventually became friends and I just laughed off the super awkward way I acted when I had a crush on her. We went out as friends a few times and she was really fun to talk to in one of our classes Sr year. Glad I was able to have a good friend in the end.
4. A nice big wet one.
I was walking with my girlfriend after we had went to the park to make out for the first time and I was in an elevated state of giddiness/excitement. Like, my ears were buzzing.
She was asking me to do something, and saw her gesture to her mouth/lips. I couldn't hear what she was trying to say, but I just winged it, and...
I licked her face.
My hearing came back just in time for me to hear her explain that that was not what she was asking me to do. Being the wordsmith I wasn't in my teenage years, I couldn't even stumble out a rough outline of an excuse for what my train of thought was.
Here's what she actually wanted:
She had a hard candy in her mouth that she did not want anymore, and was asking if I wanted to take it from her.
I don't really know if that's better or worse than licking her face.
This was literally 19 years ago and I still lie awake thinking about it. Haven't heard from her in over 10 years, but I often wonder if she thinks about that too.
Image by Ale Hidalgo from Pixabay
3. No excuses.
My then-girlfriend and I were both in 8th grade exactly a decade ago, and we were pretty frisky for a pair of 14 year olds.
My small town had a scenic gazebo next to a large pond in a pretty busy downtown area, where we met up for our first “date” on a sunny Sunday afternoon during the spring. She and I were young and inexperienced, but we were determined to explore each other’s bodies. I mean, I was feeling some hype-yourself-up-in-the-mirror, don’t-mess-it-up type of way when I woke up in the morning.
We hung out and chatted at the white gazebo for a while. I was feeling the chemistry. I know she did too because it got physical between us real quick. We started feeling each other up and then rubbed up on each other, we were dry humping before long. All there right in plain view of all the suburban moms and dads driving by trying to enjoy their nice weekend. I knew it wouldn’t be long now. She wanted it. No doubt about it in my mind.
She decided to make the first move. This was it. The day I transition from a boy to a man. The first time, that special time. My first kiss.
Wait.. How long do I kiss her for? Do I keep my eyes open? How much tongue is considered French??
I panicked. I put my hand on her face and pushed her away. “Wait, you said you had a PB&J earlier right?”
“Uhh.. yeah why?”
“Oh darn that sucks, I’m allergic to peanuts.”
“..???”
“Well I’m gonna go home now, bye!!”
I'm not allergic to peanuts. I was just so nervous I made that up as an excuse to get out of it. Still makes me cringe to this day.
2. Love needs no language.
When I was 14, I started to go through this hippy phase. I only ever wore long, floral dresses, braided my hair and talked a lot of crap about "getting back to nature" and "being one with the earth." I met Javier (not his real name) at a flower arranging class for teenagers (yep). I thought I was so sophisticated because a much older man of 16 was showing an interest in me. He was from Spain and the only boy in the class. He was going to school here (in Ireland) for a year.
We lived quite far from each other, and I don't think he realised because a) he never came to my area because I didn't want my parents to find out I had a boyfriend and b) he didn't really know the city well at that stage. He knew where he lived, where his school was, where the flower arranging class was and that's about it. I would spend a good 50% of my babysitting money every week on bus and train fares to the other side of the city to see him.
We spent hours sitting in the park together, making daisy chains, braiding each others hair (he had hair way past his shoulders), singing to each other and writing crappy poetry. We discussed at length our plans to get married and save the planet together singlehandedly. I was head over heels "in love."
He went back to Spain for two weeks at Christmas and I was completely devastated. I hatched a plan on how to feel closer to him when he was gone, so for the whole Christmas break, from 9am to 3pm, I studied Spanish using books from the library, Enrique Iglesias songs and YouTube. I didn't tell Javier what I was doing, because I wanted it to be a surprise for when he got back. I was so dedicated. I filled up a notebook in those few weeks that I still have somewhere.
When he came back, I was so excited to show off my Spanish skills. I started speaking to him in Spanish when we met again. At first, he must have thought I only learned a phrase or two, but when he realised I was able to converse with him (not well, but well enough that he could understand me and I could understand him) he switched to English and said, "Did you learn Spanish?" I said yes, I did it for him and he said (I can still hear his voice saying this) "But it was such a waste of time." I was heartbroken. I spent so much time learning his language and he didn't care at all.
I made up some excuse to leave and cried the whole way home on the two busses and train. I sobbed my heart out when I got home and texted him to never speak to me again. He replied "but what about the whales we were going to save?" I replied "[BLEEP] THE WHALES AND YOU!" We never spoke again.
However, I ended up getting a degree in Modern Foreign Languages (one of those languages being Spanish). I just looked Javier up on Facebook for the first time in about a decade and a half. He has dreadlocks and "works at: wherever the wind blows me". So, no big loss.
1. And they lived happily ever after.
I was in a really bad relationship/place with someone for about 4 years. In the heat of my emotion I decided one day on my bus ride home I would surprise my crush. I knew this girl for about a year, I was in the 10th Grade and took a bus (too young to drive) to their house, with her strict parents I thought it wouldn’t be too late and she could leave the house to walk the dog. So many bad things happened while doing this spontaneous surprise trek for the girl I was so into.
First of all, it was late October in Canada, so it was freezing cold and all I had was a hoodie. Secondly, Her place was far. And afternoon/evening traffic to get to her place took forever, it got dark early (late October). It took two buses. I was bragging about how I was surprising my “girlfriend” to the driver and he didn’t care but I was just so excited.
I didn’t have phone data so I had to like, take a screen shot and remember which way to go (never been there before.)
Also, I forgot she had piano lessons on Mondays.
So when I got to her house I was texting her. “Hey look out your window, I’m here! Surprise!” She was not amused at all. She insulted me over text and I started to walk away ashamed. I then turned back and left a note under a planter that said “Maybe next time (with a heart and a smiley face)” and I texted her “Hey, when you get home check under the planter I left something for you.”
So I’m walking back, still upset and bummed and feeling all stupid. I’m freezing and I need to pee. The bus schedule on the outskirts of town is slow, so I walk to the nearby pond to pee in the trees, but it was so cold I fumbled unzipping my pants and to top it all off a couple came up out of nowhere walking a big dog, and I freaked out and peed mostly in my pants.
I literally couldn’t do anything about it, so I just walked to the bus stop smelling like pee. The same driver I took the second bus to this place and was bragging too was the same that picked me up, and he looked at me all confused, but once I got on he got a whiff... his face changed and I was so embarrassed and ashamed. My phone then died so I couldn’t text my mom I was safe/on my way home.
It gets worse. When I finally started walking home from the bus terminal, a cop pulls me over mid walkway. Questioning me because there was a robbery and I looked suspicious. He started questioning me about who I was and why I was out so late and then stopped and asked, “Why do you smell like pee?”
I was so defeated I literally just walked away and started crying. My mom was livid that I got back home at like 11 on a school night. My crush then was upset I did that. I never told her about peeing myself.
Photo by Ott Maidre from Pexels
