A great party is pure magic. When everything goes right, people have a good time and remember the night for the rest of their lives. When everything goes wrong, however, people have a terrible time - and they still remember it for the rest of their lives. It doesn't take much to bring a bash crashing to the ground. Bad food, a surly guest, or worst of all: nobody shows up at all. We asked people from around the world to share the worst party they've ever attended.
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30. Not the end of the world.
Mine was two Christmases ago. (few days before, for the party) All my friends said they'd be there. No one showed up, I sat alone for a while and kind of cried. I had thought I made friends, finally, but not one person showed, or even said they weren't going to show up. Eventually my brother and his friends dragged me out of there and we had a great time, all dressed in cheesy sweaters, having a good time and getting smashed.
All ended well.
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29. Joke's on them.
This happened to my father-in-law. In college his frat wanted to throw one of these "pig parties." A pig party is an awful "contest to bring the ugliest date" party. He spoke up against it, but they were going to have it any way. In protest, he brought the winner of the Miss Kansas pageant as his date. This basically made all the other guys feel like the jerks they were. For fear of embarrassing themselves in front of an incredibly hot and popular girl, they never revealed the true reason for the party to any of the girls unfortunate enough to be their dates.
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28. There's magic in the air.
I went to a "party" once. It was 12 dudes playing Magic the Gathering and one passed out chick.
Also, I always feel weird when I walk into a party and I'm the only black guy there. Every time everyone stops what they're doing and stares at me for 2-3 horrible seconds. I will walk through the back door to avoid this.
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27. Saddest Christmas ever.
I was working at a crappy company a long time ago in December, and we found out suddenly that our whole division was getting laid off like literally days before it happened. So most of us knew it was happening a day before the Year End party which would be our last working day before holidays and then we wouldn't be coming back. So we are all bummed... so then our manager comes in with a Christmas cake. He was going to be laid off too. And he says 'so at least we should have a cake to celebrate the season?' So we all kind of agreed; with broken spirits. But he didn't have plates or spoons or knives or even napkins. So we all literally just had to scoop out a bit of cake with our hands, and just eat it. All the while, a cloud of sadness hanging over us. Was quite depressing.
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26. Can I interest you in an exciting business opportunity?
I had a friend from high school invite me and three other friends over for what he described as a "party." We thought that it might be a small gamer party with some nerdy board games or something as there were only the three of us plus him and his wife.
His wife then proceeds to start an hour and a half presentation about Arbon and tries to sell female beauty products to a group of males between the ages of 19 and 22. I was astounded.
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25. A night to remember.
Years back I was at a pool party, by nightfall everyone was pretty wasted. One of the guests thought it would be funny to fill a Jagermeister bottle with ipecac (a medicine that makes you barf) and offer shots to the people in the pool. 12 or so people did the shots and were so wasted that they didn't care that it tasted funny. A few minutes later it was a total puke fest, in the pool, so everyone was screaming and scrambling to get out as the puke swirled around them.
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24. Happy birthday, you're grounded.
On the day of my 16th birthday party, my parents made my friends leave before the cake was cut. Then they told me that they read my journal and busted me for smoking pot (which I outlined in the journal). I had to write an apology letter to Jesus.
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23. What a buzzkill.
I went to a formal and I had a really awkward date. She started off in the beginning lecturing me about endangered free range cows. Then started asking me random questions like "what brand of sandals do you prefer?" Then she got into a religious argument with a kid who was Muslim and claiming that he is "worshiping a false God." Then when I finally got her to come dance with me she sprained her ankle.
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22. Passive aggressive and festive.
My 18th birthday party. Crazy ex had just about disassociated me from any of my remaining friends I had. Long story but they were so sick and tired of her, and me sticking up for her as I was blindly in love, they wanted no more to do with us. Yet then she decided to add salt to the wound by inviting them all round to my 18th birthday party at her place. She sorted out a load of food, cakes etc and music. But of course none of my now ex-friends were going to make any effort to go around to a psychos house for a 'party'.
So as you can imagine my 18th birthday party was her telling me "See, you call them friends? They don't even come on your 18th birthday party just because they don't like me!" She later admitted and confirmed my suspicion that she fabricated the whole thing on purpose, in order to make me realize that I had no one in my life other than her, and as such was unable to leave her.
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21. Fell apart in the planning.
I went to a surprise party where the guest of honor never showed up. The key step of making sure he was driven there at the appropriate time was not covered. His wife just assumed he'd be home at a certain time from a business dinner. Also, at the appropriated time, she had us waiting and hiding in the dark for close to a half hour before people just got bored and started going home.
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20. Seriously?
My own 18th birthday.
My mother thought it would be funny to have everyone dine and dash, sticking me with the bill when I went to the bathroom. Then when I got home, the locks had been changed and all my personal stuff had been bagged up in garbage bags and thrown out across the street.
That was really awesome. The joke was that since I was an adult I could pay my own way in the world from now on.
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19. Have fun or you're fired.
I was forced to attend an office Christmas party where we were sent a stern letter saying if we dared to not stay an extra hour to make up for the time we spent at the party or didn't use PTO we would be at risk for being fired. Oh yeah, then the budget was cut to $50 and everyone was told to bring their own food. Yay company morale!
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18. What a selfish jerk.
I went to a large house party in college, it was really rocking. Everyone was having fun until some dumb jock decided to jump from the second floor balcony to show off. He landed poorly, shattering his tib-fib with exposed bones. Seriously hurt himself and totally killed the party.
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17. So it all worked out.
My freshman year of college I went to a party in senior housing thrown by a couple friends. Well one of the girls in the house didn't drink, and had some other issue with booze, so there was none at the party. I should have known better but me being a freshman I decided I'd go anyway. So I get there, and there's a keg. Sweet, maybe she changed her mind. NOPE. It's filled with root beer. Yes, root beer. I try to bring some fun to the party by starting up a game of beer pong but unfortunately the first time I had to drink I nearly choked. It was too sweet to chug like one would normally drink beer. I ended up drinking at a party nearby and playing laser tag.
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16. Didn't come over to be insulted.
I went to the worst birthday party ever, once. Three people were sitting silently in various corners reading comics and occasionally glaring at people, refusing to participate in any conversations. The guy whose birthday it was said he was very ill, and went to bed early ostensibly to sleep, but when someone went to check on him he was playing Fallout 3 instead, at HIS OWN PARTY.
No one drank anything except me, and I ended up having to make conversation with someone I'd had a massive falling out with a few years ago. That conversation was at least tolerable until she started in with her old tricks of passive aggressiveness and then blatant insults, at which point I said screw it and went home.
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15. Falling down the kiddy hole.
Last summer, my dad's work friend invited our family to a barbeque for Memorial Day. Now, my dad's a little older than his coworkers, so my youngest sibling right now is 17 and most of his coworkers' kids are around five to eight years old.
We get there and my dad and brother go out to booze with the guys and cook some meat and all that jazz. Meanwhile, after hardly introducing herself and ignoring our presence, the hostess leads me and my younger sister downstairs where the kids are and just sort of leaves us there, as if we were going to be the unpaid babysitters for twenty different kids.
I left that kiddy hole and sat in my dad's chair/arm rest for the rest of that extremely awkward bbq and have avoided seeing that rude woman ever since. Ugh.
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14. Invention out of necessity.
It wasn't THAT bad of a party or anything, I think it was like my 8th or 9th birthday party. My mom tried her very best to organize a fun, clean, safe party...
So one of the games we played was that we had to peel and eat 2 clementines the fastest. Then she hung a clementine (peeled) on a string and the person that could take the biggest bite (no hands) won.
Then we ate clementines. We were pretty poor.
So that I don't seem like an ingrate or ungrateful, I should add that I respect that my mom tried her very best in difficult circumstances. I should also add this probably isn't the worst party I've been to, but at the time it was. (when compared to all the birthday parties my other friends hosted) I have since grown up and understood the situation.
Another 'funny' detail is that I don't really think she knew what were good party games anyhow. Being an immigrant, I dont think she had any idea what kids did at parties and so did her very best to improvise fun games out of things that were already around the house.
I definitely cherish my mom and appreciate everything she did for me.
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13. Missed the best part.
I went to a Super Bowl "party" at this church. I don't go to church at all, but I went because this chick that I was crushing on was there (we were in high school).
So I get there, the game is on, there's snacks and video games, overall it's an alright time. And then the halftime show is about to start, which is always the most interesting to me. Well, we didn't get to watch it.
The church shuts off the projector, and instead this dude starts preaching Jesus and whatnot. Granted, I AM in a church, so I shouldn't be too surprised, but I was pretty mad. I felt like they were keeping me from the most entertaining part of the Superbowl.
So whatever, I just go home and try to forget it. I go to school the next day, and everyone kept asking me the same thing:
"Hey man! Did you see Janet Jackson's nipple yesterday?!"
Um, no. I was listening to some guy talk about Jesus.
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12. Number one way to ruin a party.
A few weeks ago, I went to a bonfire party at a friends house. I was drinking a beer, and playing some cornhole. I had set my beer down for just a few seconds, to throw the cornhole bag. After I throw it, I drink my beer again. Suddenly, I start feeling dizzy. I figure something's up, so I quickly leave the party and drive to my friend's house just a few blocks away. He comes out of his house, and by that time, I'm losing it. I tell him that I think someone put something in my drink. So, he takes me to another friends house to watch over me. On the way there, I am freaking out, because he's driving my car at 25mph, and I feel like it's freaking warp speed. I feel absolutely numb all over my body, and keep trying to feel my face to see if its there. my eyes feel like they are 10x the normal size, and I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster and being sucked through a black hole at the same time. We get to the friend's house, and go inside. They give me some water and watch over me, while I pass out. I wake up a few hours later, feeling a litle better. They take me home, and I go to bed. The next day, I feel completely stupid all day, unable to think clearly or remember much of the previous night.
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11. A fancy party for a fancy boy.
After I'd finished my course at university, I got invited to an acquaintance's 21st birthday. It was very far out of London in a suburb. Privet-filled cul de sacs etc. It was a lunch time affair at his parents' house (he lived at home and was in the Christian Union). We got there and a group of unenthusiastic students were all in his living room playing Kerplunk and Tiddlywinks. No word of a lie. 21st birthday and we're playing tiddlywinks. Mixed with booze and good times, this might have been fun, but the strange atmosphere of his overbearing parents was too much.
He showed me his uncle's painting of a nude and handsome man that he'd inherited. Everything else is completely normal, but then a homoerotic painting as the centrepiece of the room.
We were sent on a salutary walk to build up an appetite for our buffet lunch. We got a half a glass of buck's fizz ('We don't like champagne but we love buck's fizz.') and were sent on our way before 4:30PM because the birthday boy was playing in a violin concert that night. I think of him still.
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10. Rotisserie for two.
My buddy said he was throwing a Christmas eve party and that I should bring two birds because everything else was covered by people bringing to share. So I paid my $20 for some fine stuffed chickens and got some of the most delicious (and expensive) hot sauce in the country too, because why not go out for your closest friends around the holidays right?
I showed up early, and from the driveway noticed the lights were off. I rationed that I must be the first or even better that my dear friends had lit candles and were carolling or playing Yule-time games.
When I let myself into the living room, I was perplexed. The house was completely bare.
From somewhere in the dark nether came my 'friend' trudging down the stairs dressed in nothing but his boxer shorts, wiping the spittle from his chin, his cheek still lined with bed marks and his hairy stomach grumbling like a rabid mongoose.
He mumbled something to me about the lights being shut off before he began tucking into my delicious poultry, ripping great strips of meat from the birds and stuffing them into his stupid face.
Though I didn't want to admit it, my mind was beginning to realize that the whole thing had been a ruse by this obese sloth to get a free meal.
He remembered his manners long enough to offer me a glass of water and then he was back at it, half dressed, hunched over the living room table gorging himself on MY chicken and gargling down MY special sauce.
He was lucky he was late on his electricity bill because he didn't get to see me sitting in the dark, tepid glass of water in hand, shivering with rage.
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9. The prom that bombed.
For prom I asked a chick I'd never spoken to but had a huge crush on. After I had asked her out and walked ten feet away my friends gave me a loud cheer complete with multiple high fives and huzzahs. It was horrible.
The next few weeks leading up to prom were also terrible. I tried to talk to her between classes but it just wasn't happening. Prom went terribly. My parents made me spend way too much on photos. I literally have a year book full of them, at least I look fantastic. She said she didn't want to dance which I was fine with because I can't anyway but she also apparently didn't want to talk so we spent the entire evening outside, cold and in silence watching other people dance.
After that we went to an after party that neither of us were sure we were invited to. She didn't want to drink so we sat and caught stray ping pong balls while straining at making idle chit chat. Then her ex boyfriend showed up and she decided she needed to go. She drove me since I didn't have my license.
The whole ordeal was very painful but it helped me realize I need to get to know people before deciding to like them instead of just staring at their butt all semester. My prom date turned out to have no personality and the humor of a six year old. I'm AT LEAST on the level of a seven year old. Proud to say I found the girl of my dreams now.
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8. One of us.
My worst experience was when I was invited to a classmate's 18th birthday party (legal age for voting, driving and drinking in Sweden) in high school. I didn't really hang out with my classmates on a regular basis but figured that it was kind of a big deal turning 18 and that it would be kind of mean to say no so I said I'd come.
I knew that this girl and several others in my class were religious but not in a particularly annoying way (but in Sweden it's kind of weird to go to church every week). Anyway, when I came to the place where her party was supposed be warning bells went off; it was a church...
So this was starting to feel really weird by now but I stayed and eventually found the two only people in my class that I usually talked to (2 muslim girls, not that it matters, but it's important for the story). Turns out that nearly everyone there was in her church. I can't really say that anything exceptional happened but I felt as I was in a cult. Everyone just seemed like they were over-the-top nice and friendly, in a creepy way. After an OK amount of time I called my dad who came to pick me up. I said goodbye to the birthday girl and excused myself and lied and said I needed to get up early in the morning. But instead I went to another party.
Fast forward to Monday in school. My two muslim friends tell me that just after I left the party they started playing soothing music and everyone were supposed to lie down on the floor and think about god. They found it a bit odd but decided to just play along. This worked out well until one of the girls' cell went off. The birthday-girl's father then barges in the room, takes the girl's phone and proceeds to lock it in a drawer. He gave her an angry look and said it was necessary so she wouldn't ruin the moment for everyone else.
I guess it wasn't that extreme, but ordinarily these parties mean beer, no parents home, hitting a bar and get wasted. This was easily my worst party experience ever!
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7. Three's a crowd.
This happened to me within the last 6 months, there is a bit of back story needed here. Me and my girlfriend of 2 years end up breaking up a week before her birthday, I had already spent quite a large amount of money on a surprise party for her and her friends. So I decided to throw it anyways, no sense in wasting all that effort. So her birthday rolls around and I get everything setup and what not, $200 on liquor, $100 on food, all kinds of decorations, etc. Her and some friends get there and she pulls me aside and says that she is really thankful but wants me to leave because it will be too awkward. So I do because I am gentleman and can respect that. The next day everyone who was at the party asked why I wasn't there and said they wished I had been, even my ex said the same.
So a couple weeks go by and one of our close friends wants to have her birthday party at her place as well, I get invited and all that. Things between my ex and I had been alright, we'd talked and it felt normal as if we were becoming friends and such. Night of the party it gets really awkward, I'm out of mind and on the verge of getting wasted and so is everyone else but my ex. We are all trying to have a conversation and be normal and act as if nothing ever happened, but she is just sitting there silently the entire night texting, whenever I would leave to go to the bathroom or get more beer, she'd snap out of it and talk to people but as soon as I sat back down she'd get quiet as a mouse. Next thing I know, some dude shows up that no one invited. Turns out it was the person my ex was texting all night and she invited him over to get high and get down. Needless to say, once he showed up it wasn't long before the party ended. And the next day I got a text from my ex complaining about how I ruined the party. I felt like a fool for caring about a person like that.
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6. If you go into the woods tonight...
My girlfriend and I both work at a movie theater and another girl we worked with invited some people over to her house. First off, let me just say that this place is in the middle of nowhere. So here we are, driving out to someplace where modern medicine hasn't made a foothold yet. We get there and the girl isn't even there. She gets there an hour later and at this point it's still just the three of us. Some more people finally show up, including her 40 year old sister, her 8 month old baby, and her scumbag trashy husband. You could easily tell this was a shotgun wedding.
Anyways, the girlfriend and I decide not to drink because at this point we want to leave as soon as possible without being rude. This 40 year old sister has no intention of leaving anytime soon apparently because she precedes to knock out more shots than there are minutes in the day. Fast forward 30 minutes and she starts screaming at us because she has forgotten that we were even at her house. Which....wasn't her house. It turns out that babies don't enjoy yelling at 2 in the morning so her baby in the living room starts screaming crying. Like this thing must have the vocal cords of a full grown adult male lion. The mom is too out of it to even get up and help her child so I'm thinking we need to get the outta here at this point.
Before we make it out however, Joe Dirt over here pulls out a baggie of pot and a one hitter. "wanna hit this?", he smugly asks. We decline because we are honestly thinking about breaking through the kitchen window to get to our car. So everyone, except us, passes around the one hitter. Out of nowhere, a 9 year old child. Yes, I said 9 years old, comes out of no where from the back of the house. He confidently picks up this one hitter and finishes it out, packs another, and finishes that one. I honestly had no idea what to do or say. The girlfriend and I promptly leave and go home. It honestly felt like I was about to be on Cops. It was the perfect people, setting, and time for an episode.
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5. High school confidential.
The winter after high school, the graduating class all got invited to this guy's house for a get together party. Let's call him Zach. Most of our class ended up going off to 4 year colleges or at least moved out of our three traffic light town to go to a community college.
Not Zach. Zach stayed behind and worked in our local grocery store. So, all of my friends were a bit skeptical about the party, but we went anyway. The horrors that I saw that night has not since been surpassed in my 4 years of college parties following.
Zach's father greeted us on the porch, informed us that he had purchased booze for everyone, then began screaming about how he was a Gulf War vet and someone needed to give him a cigarette at that very moment. I indulged him and he began telling his war stories. I decided to check out the inside of the house.
There were two shirtless 14 year old kids passed out cold on the couch at 9 pm. Shortly after we walked through the door, one of them collapsed his head into the other one's lap. The party took the opportunity to cover them in sharpie doodles such as: male anatomy, moustaches, and my personal favorite, "I LOVE LADYBOYS." It was about this time when the kid that fell over began sleep vomiting directly into the crotch of the other kid.
I went outside to find a crowd of people still in highschool blaring Asher Roth's "I Love College" while standing on the hood of a giant red pickup truck. This is when I learned that the overall average age of the party goers was close to 16. Zach came out completely in a blackout and began telling everyone how much he missed high school.
We got out of there shortly after that.
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4. Young hearts get broken.
In middle school (8th grade where I was), we a had a German exchange student who was really popular (Helga). She got along with everyone, sat with the "cool kids" at lunch, etc. She was in 9th grade, but the 8th and 9th were somewhat mixed in my school.
Her 16th birthday was in December, and her host parents rented out a huge hall for her to throw a birthday/Christmas party in. The entire 8th and 9th grades were invited, and I remember her talking about it for weeks before hand, and other people being really excited about it. It was like, "the" event since my school didn't do dances for the lower grades.
The day comes, and my best friend and I are excited to go. We got dressed up and everything. My friend and I weren't popular, but Helga was our good friend, so we were really stoked about being invited to a party. I wore make up for the first time in my life.
The party started at 6, but being the nerds we were, my friend and I were there at 5:50. The only other people in the hall were Helga and her host parents. We hung out, waiting for everyone to show up... all 400 students. They had this awesome Mexican restaurant cater the event, so there was tons of food.. seriously more than 400 students needed. Her host parents had a lot of money, and they spent $4k+ on this party.
No one else showed up. At 8:00, Helga broke down into tears. My friend and I stayed and comforted her most of the night, as did her host parents. At 9:00, we turned on some music and had ourselves a little gluttony fest. The food was great, but Helga was devastated.
That weekend, her host parents decided to take Helga, me, and my best friend out to a theme park (King's Dominion!) for a whole day so Helga could have a real birthday celebration. They paid for everything, including over priced toys and pretty much anything we wanted.
After we went back to school in January (winter break), no one would talk to Helga. She sat with my friend and I for the rest of the year. It still breaks my heart to think about her face slowly falling over the course of those two hours between 6 and 8pm.
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3. Age inappropriate.
About a year ago I went back home to visit my parents and some old friends. It all went well except for the night a friend and I went to Jeff's birthday party.
Here is the set up, my friend and I have been shooting pool and trading pitchers since noon (hey, vacation), it is creeping up to 7:30 when my mom calls and asks if I wouldn't mind going to such and such's birthday as a representative of the family because she is stuck at work and wants someone to go.
I ask who it is and how old they are, my mom informs me that it is Caleb and he is probably turning twenty-one. I ask my friend at the bar and we both agree that twenty-first parties usually equate in free booze for attendees, so why not?
We we walk to the liquor store and split a bottle of mid-shelf scotch for good ol' Caleb, whoever he was, and an eighteen pack for us. I decided that the easiest way to do a card was to have the cashier print off some blank receipt paper and quickly scribble out, 'Happy birthday from Derp family,' and tape it to the bottle. Good to go!
We grab a cab to the address my mom had texted me and roll right into this rager of a party. A rager of a fourth birthday party. It wasn't Caleb. Caleb didn't even live there anymore. It was Jeff.
We had already plopped our generous offering on the gift table by the front door before we had walked into the party proper. So here are two wasted dudes, armed with an opened case of beer (got thirsty in the cab), and we have just interrupted duck, duck, goose.
We left in such a panicked hurry we didn't even think about the scotch we had both dropped eighteen dollars on. We just got out as fast as we could, walked as fast as two men can for a couple blocks and called a cab.
I got home to my mom laughing her butt off about the phone call she got from the family about the Derp families' odd choice in gift for a four year old. She apologized to me and decided that she wouldn't choose me as a family representative for any future get togethers.
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2. In over his head.
After I graduated college, I stuck around town and worked as a sound engineer doing various jobs and barely making ends meet. One of the gigs I got was running sound for the local high school musical. During tech rehearsals, I would get to the theater early and crank Grateful Dead shows through the PA because, well, I was pretty high most of the time. It wasn't long before a small group of high school age Deadheads befriended me and we would chat about things that young hippies are wont to chat about.
The show runs without a hitch and I am invited along to the official wrap party that is taking place at one of the cast member's parent's house. I feel obliged to go, so I do. It is your standard parentally advised high school party with chips and soda and good clean fun for everyone. Since I am technically an adult person of authority, I stand around and smile at people at lot, but otherwise, the party is not one for the record books. I decide to step outside onto the porch and grab a smoke. Within a few minutes, a few of my little Deadhead friends come out and tell me that they are heading to "the real cast party" and ask me if I wanted to come.
Bored out of my mind and being a sucker for any invitation for a "real" party, I accept and before long, I find myself parking my car down the street from some random kid's house. The house, btw, has no lights on. There are no other cars parked anywhere that I can see. I follow the instructions given to me and walk through the open garage and quietly knock on the door. I can hear hushed whispering, some scrambling, and one of my little friends opens the door and lets me in. The "party" is taking place in someone's high school bedroom. The lights are all out except for some Christmas lights and a crappy lava lamp. There is no music or anything. Sitting around on the floor are about 15 kids about 14-17 years of age. As the only person over the age of 21 in the room, it was a little awkward. I find a spot on the floor and kind of chill a bit just to see what is going on since at this point my curiosity was pretty strong. After the exchange of some minor pleasantries, one of my little Deadhead friends reaches under the bed and pulls out a rather large duffel bag and opens it up to reveal to me what looked the absolute motherload of magic mushrooms. To anyone who has not dealt with such things, allow me to tell you that a duffel bag full of mushrooms, regardless of its size, is a lot. He offers some to me.
At this point in my life, there normally would not have been more than a second's hesitation before I reached into a duffel bag full of shrooms and ate my fill, but on this night, as I looked around at the group of tripping high school kids, my brain decided to take a pass this time around. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck tripping balls with a bunch of awkward teenagers. I politely decline and ask my host if he minded if I smoked some herbs instead. His response was to reach under his bed again and pull out a 2 foot bong. I took that as a yes.
I start to pack party bowls for people and pass the bong around which starts up some conversation. What I learn is that I am sitting in the bedroom of the high school kingpin of this particular high school and that he had just scored said duffel bag full of shrooms that very night and was celebrating not only the close of the musical he just performed in, but the fact that his probation was also over. When I ask if we can put on some tunes, I am promptly told that we couldn't because, get this, "it would wake up his parents" who I learned where supposedly sleeping in their bedroom upstairs and at the other end of the house.
This, as you can imagine, made me feel a bit nervous. Here I was, the only person over the age of 21 in a room full of tripping kids with what seemed like a felony offense level of mushrooms next to me. Combine that with the fact that I had just smoked them all out and the situation started to add up in my little brain as one that could go very poorly for me. However, because I was a little too baked to drive, I stuck around and plotted my escape route should something happen.
That didn't last long, however. Within a few minutes, a group of VERY plastered high school girls comes staggering in. They were passing a bottle of peach schnapps back and forth, giggling loudly, and doing the kinds of things that VERY wasted high school girls do which is about 180 degrees out of phase with what I was wanting to do. As the girls got louder and rowdier, my chances of getting out of that room without being arrested were very slim. This was my cue to exit.
I grabbed my stuff and left. I ended up sitting in my car for about an hour totally sketched out any time a car came down the road. Not sure if it was the worst party ever, but it was sure the worst party-related decision making I had ever done. I am kind of surprised no one asked me buy them beer. I probably would have done it. I was on a roll that night.
Photo by Thiago Miranda from Pexels
1. Much party. Very wow.
I used to live with this local girl on the Big Island of Hawaii, and she threw a big party for her co-workers one year. She was a checker at a well known supermarket chain, and she must have invited thirty people.
Some necessary backstory: She had a Siberian Husky that was only partially housebroken. By that I mean she had him trained to poop in one part of the house. I couldn't take him out on walks because I am in a wheelchair, or I'd have taken him out, and my girlfriend was working long hours, so she wasn't able to take him out every time he needed to crap. So she designated a 3 x 6 foot area behind the couch as his toilet, and she put flattened cardboard boxes down for him to crap on. It wasn't great, but it was the best she could think of.
So, the day of the party, I cleaned the house really well, and since we couldn't have a big piece of cardboard behind the couch ("What's that for?"), we just pulled it out and left the floor bare.
My girlfriend decided to make some blender drinks. She was not a drinker, and so she was unaware of how much rum she should put in the drinks, and overdid it by a substantial amount. She had to do a lot of testing to get it right, and by the second pitcher, almost before anyone had showed up, she was completely hammered.
Not cute laughing-girl hammered, but staggering around "Hellllp meeee!" kind of hammered.
So I was pretty much left to host the party myself--even though I barely knew any of the people--while my girlfriend went to bed so that she could vomit copious amounts of rum onto the floor.
Even so, everyone else seemed to be having a good time, and the party seemed to be going pretty well, even though there was hardly any seating. I didn't mind that bit since with my wheelchair I always have a set, but for everybody else it was standing room only, other then three people on the couch, and two people on our kitchen chairs.
Since the dog lived in the house, he was there too, and sure enough, he decided he had to take a dump.
Do you see where this is going?
There wasn't anyone behind the couch (the couch pretty much cut that part of the room off from the rest) so the dog went back there and got himself hunched over and dropped a big dog log on the bare floor.
Nobody else saw him do this except me, and by the time I noticed what he was doing it was too late to stop him, and so all I could do was laugh as I watched the party come unraveled.
The smell was pretty remarkable, but there wasn't much in the way of air current, so the aroma just sort of hung there in an invisible cloud of rank. I could tell though, when the folks on the couch smelled it because in unison they all screwed up their faces. One of them turned around and looked behind the couch (the dog was done and gone by then), and he went "Oh god." and all three of the folks on the couch got up and away from it.
As soon as the three people were off the couch, three more people who had been standing around with nowhere to sit for an hour saw their opportunity and they jumped over and sat down before anyone else could grab a seat. They lasted for about 45 seconds to a minute before they realized why the couch had been vacated. As soon as they got up, three more people grabbed a spot on the couch.
This went on for about three or four turns before the smell had drifted far enough to empty the room, and thus the house, and that was it. he party was over, and everyone drove home in the rain without saying good bye or even leaving a note for my passed-out girlfriend.
She never threw another party as long as I knew her.
