Kids are often their parents' whole world. Sometimes, though, they do things that may tempt their loving parents to consider what life would be like without the little angels. Even when we were kids, we know there were some moments where our parents considered putting us up for adoption.
Setting the bathroom on fire? Putting a sibling in the dryer? Toilet papering the neighbors house? We've all been there.
Below are some of the best stories from parents (and some reflective kids) on the worst things children have done.
55. Slippery pup
My kids buttered our dog. You ever try to catch a freshly buttered Chihuahua?
54. SLAP!
My 4-year-old daughter (at the time) slapped a 3-week-old newborn across the face immediately upon meeting her.
53. Hot glue nightmare
My son was about 7. He discovered my wireless hot glue gun from my craft room. I was using it that afternoon and stopped to make dinner. I didn't shut off the gun.
Of course I didn't get to my craft space till much later and noticed it wasn't there. Turns out my son took it and hot glued all the electrical outlets he could find. I mean, ALL of them.
52. Snitch
My child thought that to throw the attention off of herself for underage drinking that she would tell the police I gave her a narcotic medication. (Never happened and never would). Cops show up to my house and ask to search -- to which I obliged.
I have NO idea to this day why she did that. Thankfully she now is in a much better state of mind.
51. Flush it all down
One time, my kids decided it would be fun to play in the bathroom. It just so happened that I left my wallet in a pair of pants on the floor. They flushed about $400 down the toilet.
50. Impulse
I was talking to an older gentleman at a softball game. My 5-year-old son was standing by us, patiently listening. With no warning, he punched the old guy as hard as he could in the berries. The old guy collapsed in pain. I asked my son later why he did that. He had no explanation. Just wanted to do it.
Photo by Tim Eiden from Pexels
49. No filter
Oh man, gotta love the lack of filter on kids.
My favorite time was when this big, mean lady bent over in front of my son and he said, "You need to pull up your pants! I can see your whole butt and that's inappropriate!"
I thought I would die!
Photo by Malcolm Garret from Pexels
48. Guessing game
At 4, my daughter literally waited till a lady (who was walking towards us from opposite side) was close enough to hear before shouting about how fat she was and guessing how many babies are inside.
I wanted to apologize but had a momentary brain freeze.
47. A real horror film
It was early morning, and I was sleeping in my bed. My two-year-old woke up before me, and decided that she was going to wake me as well. She climbed out of her bed, went into the kitchen, made a set of stairs to get the kitchen knives, grabbed a knife, and headed to my bed.
She climbed into my bed, and stabbed me an inch below my eye. I woke with her holding said knife over my head, and her giggling like the Bride of Chucky.
46. Midnight ER
I had to take my wife to the emergency room early one morning for intense stomach pain. Our kids were 2 and 3, and it was about 1am so they went with us. I packed a bag with snacks and toys, and loaded everyone up. It was the middle of the night when we got there, but we still had to park a significant distance from the ER entrance.
When wife was back with the doctor, my son (2 years old) was running around and playing. He bumped his his head lightly and started shrieking an ungodly banshee wail. I decided we would wait in the car and maybe drive around a little, and they'd hopefully go to sleep.
So I'm carrying the bag and two struggling angry demon-preschoolers the quarter mile to the car. At this point my son isn't shrieking, but he's not happy. We encountered an elderly couple and my daughter (3 years old) looks them dead in the face and says, "Hey, he's not my parent."
I was exhausted and frustrated and my arms were tired from carrying them. I didn't want to stop and have the conversation... and I panicked a little. I sped up, got to the car, loaded them up and left in a hurry.
I didn't get arrested, though... I was glad at the time, now I'm kinda upset that the old folks just let me go.
45. Too polite to complain
My kid had 3 dozen half eaten sandwiches hidden around her bedroom.
If she'd told us she didn't like them, that would have been fine. but to hide them?
Holy smokes.
44. Twin troubles
I have twins, they were about 8 when this happened I think, but they ripped open our next door neighbors bagged leaves and jumped in them and basically just threw them everywhere and erased all the progress they’d made cleaning their yard up. I was about 8 months pregnant at the time and we had a super kid friendly neighborhood, so I didn’t know it had happened at first since they used to run with the kid gang during the day.
When I found out I made them go over and apologize and made them help me bag up all of the leaves again. It was definitely one of the most embarrassing things ever.
Oh, and one of them broke a teacher's nose in first grade too, so that was a fun school trip.
43. Not a toy
My friend brought her son over to play with mine for the afternoon.
We were sitting on the couch chatting, while the boys played in my son's room down the hall. I could hear giggling and such, but didn’t think much of it.
Suddenly I hear them creeping down the hallway, muffled laughing. They walk into the living room. My son has something draped around his neck. My eyes widen in horror.
He is wearing my magic bullet around his neck like an argyle sweater on a day at the country club. If you're not familiar, that's, um... an adult toy.
My son speaks up and says: “Hey mom, what is this thing?”
I barely squeak out “Where did you find that?”
He replies, “We were jumping on your bed and then we heard a buzzing. We looked and this was under the blanket.” Oh my my gosh. I can feel my friend looking at me.
“Please give that to me. It’s for grownups, for sore muscles. It’s not a toy.”
It was the best I could come up with on the spot.
Without missing a beat, my friend's son looks at mine and says, “I guess we probably shouldn’t have rubbed this thing on our faces.”
Dead.
42. Future heavyweight
One morning I was trying to enjoy a cup of coffee. As I was taking a sip, my 4-year-old walked up and, with the tiniest balled up fist, punched me right in the coffee cup ... which in turn whacked off of my front teeth.
Nothing broke thank goodness, but dang I was absolutely stunned. I couldn't believe what had just happened, all I could do was sit there and stare at him in shock.
41. Not so patriotic
"I hate that song!" announced my 4-year-old son. Loudly. On Veterans Day. After they played the Star Spangled Banner.
While we were sitting in the center of the basketball court in the special seating because his big brother was carrying the flag. Sitting between dozens of decorated veterans.
40. Home run
We were at a cookout where we were outsiders, invited by new neighbors. They were all good friends, we knew no one. It wasn't going great, both my husband and I were feeling uncomfortable. My 3-year-old son picked up a wiffle ball and bat, threw the ball up, gave a mighty swing, hit the ball, which, with shocking speed and force, hit an infant's face from a distance of about 3 feet.
There was a second of stunned silence, then the baby started screaming. We grabbed our kids, and left, no good byes.
On any other day, my son would have missed that ball.
39. Secret hole
It wasn't actually my kid but I had a day home and a very sweet little guy, who was with me for years, spent weeks peeing exclusively into a little hole in a large plastic easel.
Every day. For weeks!! Gallons of pee. The smell eventually became quite noticeable. I scrubbed every inch of that room, including the easel, so many times, but couldn't find the source until I finally decided to empty the entire room and give it a complete exorcism.
When we picked it up and heard the sloshing I nearly vomited. It was such a tiny hole.
I'll say one thing for the boy. He had excellent aim.
38. Too friendly
My 5-year-old daughter kissed EVERY SINGLE KID in her class on the lips EVERYDAY she goes to school.
Her teachers have more than once called me in for meetings regarding this 'issue' about 4 times now.
37 . Safety first
My 8-year-old threw a milkshake at my head while I was driving.
36. Ouch!
When my sister was 4 or 5 she punched my dad as hard as she could in the groin. I think he had surgery or something.
I don't think he's gotten over that one yet.
35. Too honest
One time I got home and I saw my wife’s friend's car in the drive way.
6 year old daughter: "Yay, mom's friend is here."
Me: "Oh crap, I hope she leaves soon."
Daughter: "Why did you say that?"
Me: "Because she’s annoying."
We get inside, my daughter says to her: "How long are you going to be here? My dad said you’re annoying."
Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels
34. Blabber mouth
Drive thru getting food with my then 2 year old daughter in the backseat. We get up to the window to pay and she starts shrieking, "HELP, HELP, THIS ISN'T MY MOM!!"
That was fun.
Or when she asked me (of course loudly and right in front of the person), "Why is she black?" Or another one, "Wow he has a really big nose, right mom?"
There are more, but those ones kind of stick out in my mind.
33. Dark thoughts
One night I was putting my two year old to sleep.
He said in a worried tone: "...gonna die?"
Needless to say I was a little shocked by the question. I told him no you are just going to sleep.
"Ok daddy".
That messed me up a bit. I was wracked with guilt for bringing this little person into the world without his consent, to stress, worry, and eventually die. In that moment I regretted being a parent.
So I tucked him in and said: "I love you, I am proud of you, you make me very happy, you are the best."
And he said "No, you're the bets."
After that, everything was all better.
32. A sitter's nightmare
As a babysitter, some little jerk I was taking care of took my iPhone 4 (this was like 2013 when I was in middle school looking after him, he’s maybe 7-8 at the time) and shoved it in the garbage disposal.
Definitely made me think about whether or not I wanted kids in the future.
Pixabay
31. Wild teens
Son got a DUI on Mother’s Day and my wife had to pick him up from jail.
Youngest daughter got caught stealing makeup at a Kohl’s with her friend. Both lied to cops and gave fake names. I picked them both up and had to play along so they didn’t get in even more trouble.
Really it could be worse, but teenagers can be terrible sometimes. Still gotta love them though, even if they are a pain in the rear.
30. Meet the neighbors
First day in our new town-home and the neighbors came out to say hi. My 4 year old daughter came outside buck naked and came up to the lady and yelled “watch this!” and proceeded to pee as hard as she could to make a “fountain”.
29. Future soccer player
She threw herself down in the airport and screamed "WHY DID YOU THROW ME ON THE GROUND MAMA?! WHY?"
In the midst of crowds trying to get to their terminals. She did this because we were carrying all the bags and she didn’t want to walk the last 60 feet to our gate.
I wasn’t even touching her when she did this I have no clue why this was her response.
28. Congratulations
My 4 year old son asked an obviously pregnant woman if there was "a baby in there".
When she responded in the affirmative he shouted "Sucker!"
The look the woman shot me was enough to shiver me timbers.
27. Hospital time
My 2 year old fed my 5 year old a carpet tack, and she swallowed it.
This was the same day I found out I had melanoma. That was an expensive month.
We're all fine now.
26. Running errands
My daughter, at age 4, accompanied me on some errands. First, the drugstore to get pills, the nursery, the bank and then the grocery. After checking out, the cashier says, "Miss, don't forget your change."
My daughter turns around and says, "Don't give that to her--she'll just spend it on pills!"
That's when we started referring to it as 'medicine.'
25. Kung fu
My dad taught Kung fu for about 30 years. When I was young I tried to chop a stick with his favorite sword (didn’t know that when I was 7) that was supposedly blessed by some monk or some famous martial artist.
Needless to say, I shattered the sword. He still talks about that sword and it’s been almost 20 years.
24. Shopping spree
My daughter figured out how to leave the kids' part of the amazon tablet and enter the regular amazon app. Where she proceeded to spend enough money to empty our bank account, put us $600 in the hole AND she had another $3,000 of merchandise in the amazon cart that wouldn't go through.
It took me some time to undo all of that.
23. Making music
My son would just scream at the top of his lungs from when he woke up to when he went to bed. From year one to year two that's all that happened.
He wasn't angry or mad or having a fit or a tantrum, he just really enjoyed the sound.
22. Barber shop talk
I took my 4 year old to the barber...he sat in the chair and said "My mom's having a baby and she farts a lot."
The barber called the other barber over and my son repeated it..everyone laughed..I wanted to disappear!
21. Blowout!
My daughter had a blow out in church. I walked her out (not knowing we had a blowout situation) while the congregation smiled at me. It got it on my shirt and she took almost an entire pack of wipes to clean off. We came back into church with her in a diaper and hair bow and me with my sweater tightly around the poo smear on my shirt.
It was almost the end of the mass so I stayed. At the veeeeery end before the procession out, the priest was making announcements and had us sit. My daughter was standing on my lap facing me and let out a huge wet toot. Everyone had to have heard it.
It was a near second blowout! I couldn't wait to get out of there! Now we never leave home without a couple of changes of clothes.
20. Waiting for karma
My child has never really done anything THAT bad. But I know the exact day my dad wished he didn’t have me. I took $800 plus from his wallet one night. I must of been 6-8 years old, somewhere around there. The next morning he goes to the store to buy everything for thanksgiving dinner. Everything is bagged and now he’s ready to pay, opens his wallet and poof, nothing there.
The embarrassment of putting everything back must of been terrible. All I remember is him coming home, telling my mom the money is missing and both walking into the bathroom where I was taking a bath and interrogating me where it was.
The money was in my crayon basket and I claimed “I only wanted to be rich” I must of cried for an hour in the bathtub while sipping on a root beer my mom gave me to calm me down.
19. No more games
Daughter put my Nintendo switch and iPhone XR in the toilet.
I saw red for 3 seconds.
But then I remembered she was my flesh and blood and I gave her a kiss.
18. Repairs
Covered two rooms in Vick's Vapor Rub. The smell is what woke me from "our" nap. She clearly wasn't napping.
Rub desitin all over the TV because the DVD she was watching started to skip.
"Mommy TV had boo boo, its okay I fixed it."
17. Washing the car for mommy
My little monsters decided to scrub the van to clean it.
They used sanding blocks.
16. For charity
I have three kids, a son who's 14 and two daughters who are 13 and 12. All of them adopted and they're all related. One day the two daughters were talking to a friend who was doing a fundraiser for their school. They got the bright idea that they would also do a "fundraiser" to raise funds for their own personal spending money.
So, they went around the neighborhood asking for donations to the Children's Hospital. They got about $10 each and then decided they'd "earned" enough and went to the 7-11 for sodas and candy.
We only found out about it because one of the neighbors called us asking where they could send more money for the "donation." Future con artists in the making.
Oh, and they've also stolen packages off porches, told the dean at their school to "**** off" and have been suspended multiple times.
Fun times.
15. Maybe a future in finance
My then 8-year-old son stole $200 from my husband's wallet one night. When he overheard us talking about where the money went, he shredded it in the shredder to hide the evidence.
He confessed a week later to me in tears. We were seriously broke at the time, so $200 was basically our grocery and gas money for the month.
We laugh about it now, but at the time I really was fed up.
14. Bathroom art
My youngest had a tough time learning to read, and he hated writing. So second grade was pretty tough for him. He also has ADHD, so there was just way too much sitting down in school.
One day he was mad at his (wonderful, patient) teacher for I've forgotten what, and he went to the bathroom and wrote "Mrs [Teacher Name] is a B****." He was eight.
There was no doubt who wrote it. Another kid told on him, but he also signed it.
I have had many calls from the principal, but that was the worst feeling because this teacher had really been going above and beyond to try to help him.
13. New paint job
My kids painted my Harley with white latex paint. They thought they were making my bike "pretty" for Dad.
Instead of freaking out I hugged them both, knowing that I could wash the paint off.
12. Maybe don't ask questions
My son woke up middle of the night with croup, cool can't breath, so we head to the ER. Get in the waiting room and sit down and this potential addict comes in. Sits down about 6 chairs away from us.
Kid starts.
"Dad. Dad. Daaad"
"What [redacted]?"
"Can I ask you question?" He's loud talking at this point
"Sure man, what?"
"Why's that women soooooo UGLY!"
Luckily they call me back as soon as he says this but in that 10 seconds I just looked at him and though "why?"
11. Storage
My son would take a water bottle to bed every night. He would then fill it back up again during the night, with pee.
And would never throw the darn bottles out.
Cleaning his room I found over 30 bottles filled to some degree with pee.
I’m still in shock.
10. "Shake?"
My now-husband and I had been officially together for maybe a week (known each other for years, tho). I was driving his immaculately maintained and detailed truck. It was hot, so I went through sonic and got the 3 year old a small milkshake. I handed it to him. He asked "shake?", I confirmed "shake".
He shook it.
Ice cream everywhere in 90+ degree heat. The truck smelled like spoiled dairy for weeks regardless of how much cleaning we did.
9. Panic
One day I was on a plane, eyes closed, then all of a sudden, I heard what only could be the terrifying noise of an engine exploding, then looked over too see my kid screaming because he had spilled his apple juice on my iPad, that’s what I call a double whammy.
https://www.pexels.com/photo/jet-cloud-landing-aircraft-46148/
8. Missed trashcan
I had fallen asleep on the couch and my son woke up, apparently feeling sick. He came in to wake me up and stood over me.
And threw up, on my face, while I was asleep. I can still feel the vomit running down the sides of my face and my neck and into the back of my shirt.
I just laid there like, "Welp. That happened I guess."
7. No empathy
My kids... literally all 3 of them decided it would be funny to take the napkins from a restaurant we just ate at and throw them at a homeless man in the street with a cardboard sign asking for any spare change.
6. Astros game
The Astros used to have a nice indoor playground inside the ballpark. My 3 year old was climbing all through the tunnels and rope ladders having a grand time while I was congregating with the other parents down below. As I watched the game on the monitor, I hear kids screaming like mad and piling out of the tunnels and slides as fast as they could.
The kids were running to their parents to tell them about the boy in the top that pooped all over everything. Immediately got a bad feeling in my stomach. My son had not come out like the other kids. I knew I had to go in, so I did. I snaked my way up through the tunnels to get to the top and found my son and the tunnels covered in diarrhea.
I could not carry him out as he was covered in crap and I could barely fit in the tunnels. I had nothing with me to clean him and it was too big of a job anyways. So I had to get him to just crawl through the entire maze covered in his own feces. He chose to take the slide on the last leg of the trip down and you can imagine how that went. Once we got out we were met by the other kids pointing in disgust and their parents trying to play it cool and be sympathetic.
I then had the realization that I had no way to clean this boy up. We were to the point of being able to trust him as accidents rarely happened so we had no change of clothes, no wet wipes, nothing. My wife being the saint she is took him into the ladies room and was able to salvage his shirt and a sweet thoughtful lady came to her with a pair of shorts she had. She washed him in the sink as there was just no other option. The job was too big for wet towels. Once we had him all cleaned up we grabbed the boy an ice cream and headed home.
We had to walk past the playground on the way out. They had the area shut down and were preparing to hose down and bleach entire massive structure.
5. Concert antics
Once at a concert my little brother threw a Gatorade at my head. I ducked. It hit my mother in the nose. I laughed, my brother got slapped, I laughed again, and I got slapped.
Flickr
4. Just a moment's rest
We had been having a rough patch with the kids where they were stealing food, lying, pretty much just pushing every button and boundary that they could think of.
I work nights on top of watching my boyfriend's youngest daughter, so my days are incredibly long, but I can normally just power through it. But one day, right in the middle of this rough patch, I was having a hard day. I was pretty much dead on my feet and knew that if I didn't get at least a nap, then I'd be in real trouble later for work.
If it ever happens where I get like that and need a nap, I let the youngest pick a movie to watch and I make her sit on me while I sleep so that I can feel if she moves or gets up at all. Well this particular day, I'd been "asleep" for less than 20 minutes. I was just at that point where you start falling asleep when I feel tiny pricks on my head.
I ignore it for a moment until I realize what's happening. This kid is sitting on my back, literally plucking the hairs out of my head while I am sleeping. I'm not even sure how long she was actually doing it either (I used to do that myself when I was younger so often times it doesn't hurt at all to pull strands out).
I was just speechless. Here I am already at the end of my rope dealing with all this stuff they've been pulling, working 16+ hours a day on top of that, and this kid (who technically isn't mine) is literally pulling my hair out.
That was the moment I had to ask myself if I loved my boyfriend enough to stay and continue dealing with all of it.
3. Truck rage
My son threw a big toy truck and it broke my brand new 65in $4,000 TV.
My jaw about hit the floor I was in shock
2. Snow party
My kids destroyed a bean bag in the basement and played the "its snowing game"... took forever to clean up.
1. The horror
My 10 yr old son put the milk in before the cereal.
